3 Warning Signs You're in a Bad Friendship

3 Warning Signs You're in a Bad Friendship

These warning signs don't mean the relationship is doomed... but then again, it might be

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This summer, it became really apparent to me that many people (no matter what age they are) struggle with determining what good and bad friendships look like. Sometimes, it's easier to determine when something is bad instead of good, so that's the direction I'm going with in this article --- especially since good friendships come in all shapes and sizes, but bad friendships have a lot of similar red flags.

Disclaimer: I've been reflecting on this a lot because I have some negative habits with friendship I need to improve on myself... and the fact I just got out of some bad friendships. I never want to repeat experiences I can easily avoid again. While researching, I thought to myself "Hey, I bet other people need this information, too." So here we are, both learning about this topic together.

There are some major and minor ways that everyone is a good and bad friend to others (or sister, daughter, peer, coworker, etc.). As I was doing research on what a good friend is and isn't, I came across some red flags I want you to know about. Why?

Because age doesn't limit the toxic habits people can bring into relationships.

Below are my 3 warning signs to indicate you might be in a bad friendship:

Bad friends communicate poorly 

Below is a list of the main ways a bad friend communicates poorly:

~ they only reach out to you when _______________ (fill in the blank). Usually, I can spot a bad friend (or a wishy-washy friend) if they only reach out to me when they are in trouble or want my opinion about something negative going on in their life.

~ they only want to talk about themselves. They never really ask good follow up questions about your life, if they even ask about it at all. Good friends care about what's going on in each other's lives, so when someone doesn't care to hear about me, well, I get the idea maybe I shouldn't be investing so much of my time in them.

~ they want to win the arguments, not reach a solution together. And usually, this type of bad friend has a bad attitude during the argument, too.

Bad friends aren't trustworthy

Sometimes, people are habitual liars. It's not like those lies that are more acceptable, like they wanted to surprise you with a gift so they didn't tell you about it - or they were going through a tough time that only family members should know about.

No, it's more like the stuff I'm going to talk about below. If you're friend (OR YOU) are doing this right now, then take a hard look at that friendship and see if it is worth holding on to.

People who aren't trustworthy do the following things:

~ they don't tell you the truth. For example, they won't tell you that they really don't like the way you've been more negative since you started dating that new person from work. Another example could be is they lie to you all the time. You know that she wasn't at the hospital visiting Grandma last Friday because her Snapchat story proves she was with other friends at the mall.

~ they don't keep secrets. Basically, is your friend a gossip? Likes to tell other people's secrets, usually starting off with the statement, "I know I shouldn't say this, but..."? If this person doesn't keep a secret for others, what guarantee is there that they can keep YOUR secrets? The answer is they probably can't, which is a red flag.

You should feel secure in your friendship to share the important stuff (to be vulnerable) without the fear that other people will know you liked your sixth grade math teacher.

~ they aren't there for you when the going gets tough. Good friends support you through thick and thin as much as they can from a friendship standpoint. If this friend is never there for you when you need a good hug after a horrible test, a cup of coffee pick me up after you put your cat to sleep, or to encourage you that work won't always be so terrible, then they are just a fair-weather friend. Beware of fair-weather friends.

Bad friends don't lift you up

I'm not talking about lifts on a cheerleading squad or for swing-dancing. I'm talking about the lifting up of the soul to happiness, peace, joy, fortitude, strength, goodwill, and more. Bad friends take you away from these objectives in so many ways, but I'll name a few.

Bad friends do the following things to tear you down:

~ they are jealous of your achievements. It's kind of obvious, too. Usually, you can read their unhappiness by their facial expressions, but some bad friends let you know verbally about it too... over and over again.

A warning sign that you deal with a friend like this is when you figure out to never tell your friend the good things happening to you because you know you'll be met with a negative reaction.

~ they want to change and control you. I know that sounds a little harsh. But sometimes, it can be as simple as a person trying to convince you that your favorite music artist is actually trash-city. A good friend wouldn't try to convince you of that - they would just accept your taste in music and politely ask if its okay that you never force him/her to listen to that music on your road trips.

This would be something you would agree to because that's a reasonable request the other person made (and they asked nicely). But some more serious ways a person might want to change and control you is by being angry when you need your alone time or time with other friends.

~ they are critical of everything you do. It can range from playfully annoying to downright degrading, which isn't healthy for the psyche.

Soooooo... what do I do if I have a bad friend? If *I* am the bad friend?

I don't know. It all depends on the situation. Some friendships are able to change if both people work hard to be more open and loving with each other. But some friendships need to end. You'll have to dig down to the roots of the problem and figure out what you think is best to fix it.

I hope this information was useful! Most of it was taken from this amazing source (about good vs. toxic friends), and then this amazing source #2. I also find the book of Sirach has some helpful verses on friendship. Good luck!


Good luck!

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9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.
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Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.


2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.


4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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From One Nerd To Another

My contemplation of the complexities between different forms of art.

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Aside from reading Guy Harrison's guide to eliminating scientific ignorance called, "At Least Know This: Essential Science to Enhance Your Life" and, "The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer" by Charles Graeber, an informative and emotional historical account explaining the potential use of our own immune systems to cure cancer, I read articles and worked on my own writing in order to keep learning while enjoying my winter break back in December. I also took a trip to the Guggenheim Museum.


I wish I was artistic. Generally, I walk through museums in awe of what artists can do. The colors and dainty details simultaneously inspire me and remind me of what little talent I posses holding a paintbrush. Walking through the Guggenheim was no exception. Most of the pieces are done by Hilma af Klint, a 20th-century Swedish artist expressing her beliefs and curiosity about the universe through her abstract painting. I was mostly at the exhibit to appease my mom (a K - 8th-grade art teacher), but as we continued to look at each piece and read their descriptions, I slowly began to appreciate them and their underlying meanings.


I like writing that integrates symbols, double meanings, and metaphors into its message because I think that the best works of art are the ones that have to be sought after. If the writer simply tells you exactly what they were thinking and how their words should be interpreted, there's no room for imagination. An unpopular opinion in high school was that reading "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne was fun. Well, I thought it was. At the beginning of the book, there's a scene where Hawthorne describes a wild rosebush that sits just outside of the community prison. As you read, you are free to decide whether it's an image of morality, the last taste of freedom and natural beauty for criminals walking toward their doom, or a symbol of the relationship between the Puritans with their prison-like expectations and Hester, the main character, who blossoms into herself throughout the novel. Whichever one you think it is doesn't matter, the point is that the rosebush can symbolize whatever you want it to. It's the same with paintings - they can be interpreted however you want them to be.


As we walked through the building, its spiral design leading us further and further upwards, we were able to catch glimpses of af Klint's life through the strokes of her brush. My favorite of her collections was one titled, "Evolution." As a science nerd myself, the idea that the story of our existence was being incorporated into art intrigued me. One piece represented the eras of geological time through her use of spirals and snails colored abstractly. She clued you into the story she was telling by using different colors and tones to represent different periods. It felt like reading "The Scarlet Letter" and my biology textbook at the same time. Maybe that sounds like the worst thing ever, but to me it was heaven. Art isn't just art and science isn't just science. Aspects of different studies coexist and join together to form something amazing that will speak to even the most untalented patron walking through the museum halls.

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