Hi, I’m Joshua Lee Williams. I am a native of Plano, TX, and I came to this frozen wasteland in order to study chemical engineering. I’m a sophomore, which means all of my classes are painful, and I complain about them constantly. My hobbies include marching band, listening to music, playing bass and tuba and playing racquetball. My most notable traits are that I’m tall (6’5”), blood type A negative and have a keen sense of irony. I’m so sarcastic that I’ve made my mother cry on several occasions, but I’ll try to keep it together on the first date.

How would your friends describe you?

“The hottest reptile I’ve ever met.”

“The right amount of Jewish.”

“[REDACTED FOR SECURITY REASONS]”

“He has a history of getting hit by cars, so you know he likes it rough.”

“Jawline sharper than the Mason-Dixon line.”

“He spooned me from the opposite edge of a queen hotel bed. I’ve never felt so [loved].”

"Most attractive performer at a Super Bowl halftime.”

"He's really chill and nice, except if you try to say Chem-E isn't a hard major."

So, you are on Spring Jam planning committee...gonna leak us the lineup?

I’m actually not, but if anyone wants to get me in on that, please do. I do however have a youth small Spring Jam shirt that I can squeeze into. I found it in a box next to a university garbage bin one late night.

What makes you boyfriend material?

Did I mention I’m tall? In all seriousness, I’m a catch because I have four sisters, so I know how to pretend to listen. I like to think that I have a decently fun sense of humor and I know a lot about chemistry and music. I'm also a big animal lover, so I hope you have pets.

Hit by a car twice? How’d you manage that one?

I did remarkably little of the work actually. The first time I was hit in my high school parking lot and broke my wrist in three places. By the second time, however, I had learned how to take a hit. I was victim to a literal hit and run at 4:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning by a guy without headlights. He hit my legs and I went off the side of his car, taking his driver side mirror with me once I hit it. Because I’ve improved my resilience to cars, I got off with a cut and some bruises, as well as a sore hip. In conclusion, look both ways before you cross the street. And then possibly get hit anyway.

What is your idea of a perfect date?

We go to a play at a local theatre, and it’s okay. Not great. Just okay. Afterward, we walk over to my car, which you quickly notice is lit with candles from the inside. You say, “Isn’t that dangerous?”, but I insist, “No it’s romantic.” We get into the car and after a minute or two of deep conversation you say, “Josh, your car is on fire!” I say, “No it’s the candles,” but you turn my head toward my back seat, which is actually engulfed in flame. We jump out of the car and dial 911, and then we watch helplessly as the firefighters come and extinguish my now-totaled car. One of them chastises me for my reckless stupidity, and I realize that you were right all along. We call an Uber to get home, and silently contemplate in the car that we now have the best possible first date story.

Dogs or Cats?

Dogs. I’m allergic to cats, but I find them cute from afar.

Describe your dating life in five words.

I guess I can’t complain.

What is a definite turn-off?

I enjoy talking about politics, and I would consider myself pretty open to differing viewpoints. If you’re one of those people who cannot disagree without becoming angry, then I won’t enjoy talking to you very much. If you don’t like animals, then I will find it difficult to relate to you, as the only profound emotional connections I’ve experienced in my life were with a dog and a hamster. Also, if you’re under 5’6”, you better have a tall personality.

Describe your ideal partner.

Around 6'0", with a good and varied taste in music. Ideally, you can play a musical instrument that reads treble clef because I don’t. You have to be sarcastic and funny. At least pretend to be impressed by my mediocre cooking skills, even though I know I can’t cook well. Strong personalities are welcome because I want to be able to actually talk to you and have my opinions challenged.

What celebrity would play you in a movie?

Chris Hemsworth. He’s only a bit shorter than I am (did I mention I’m 6’5”?), and also has some Scandinavian ancestry. He’d need to dye his hair and lose a lot of muscle definition for the role, but CGI is such a powerful tool that he could pull it off.

Most attractive thing about a woman?

The ability to fill the existential void in my heart with fun and flirty conversation.

I was told to ask about “Tekas Rib Stitch." Wanna explain?

In marching band, the tuba players all get “fun” nicknames. That is mine, and I got it because I:

1) Am from Texas.

2) Misspelled Minnesota ONCE.

3) Have the rib cage of the gods.

4) Took a crisp two and a half hours to hem my band uniform pants, but refused all help when it was offered.

Where can you be reached?

The Instagram machine: @remarkable_josh. Also taking new username recommendations.