If you’re looking for your friendly neighborhood Italian, look no further. Brian Vitale is the kind of guy you’ll want to bring home to mom and dad. He's 6’1” and a sophomore pursuing a major in chemical engineering. You’ll be able to wear heels whenever you want and never have to worry about him cheating on you because he’s married to his studies. When not in class, you can find him at the Dinkytown Target Express or Chipotle, always paying extra for guacamole because he has a taste for the finer things in life. Brian is also a Caribou Perks member, so all you Caribae’s should hit him up for a coffee date. It’ll be a great story to tell your future kids. Introducing, Bachelor of the Week, Mr. Vitale!

So, I have heard you are the nerdy type. What is the nerdiest thing about you?

I have the entire periodic table memorized, in order. I dedicated myself to learning all the elements back in high school when I thought it would help with AP Chemistry and inorganic chemistry courses in college. Little did I know that a periodic table would be provided on every exam, as well as a large one on the wall in every classroom and lecture hall. It’s still good information to have when I need to make an obscure element reference in the company of all my equally-nerdy chemical engineering friends.

How would your friends describe you?

I am extremely sarcastic and constantly making jokes. It’s not that I’m an asshole per se, but life is pretty boring when you can’t count on a well-executed joke at someone’s (usually my own) expense.

What is your dream date?

I’m tempted to say April 25th, but that’s been done before. I would appreciate a rather laidback kind of date where we would have a nice dinner and then just talk about our innermost thoughts--the kind you only talk about at 3 a.m. because you’re really tired. You know the kind I’m talking about: when you’re so engrossed in a conversation that it just never ends. We would lose track of time and the next thing you know the sun is up and it’s morning. At this point, a goodbye must be said because sleep is pretty important. We would kiss goodbye and await the second date after a perfect first.

What is your ideal partner?

I definitely look for intelligence and a sense of humor. If a girl can respond to my sarcasm with even better sarcasm, that’s a win in my book.

I see you are in Running Club? Are you a big fan of any other sports?

When I came to Minnesota, I started watching ice hockey to blend in but then I wound up actually enjoying it a lot. I never learned to ice skate, so at this point I’m more of a spectator, but if a girl wanted to teach me, I think it would make for a pretty fun date.

Cats or dogs?

Dogs 100%.

What is your favorite kind of pizza?

There’s a pizza place about 20 minutes from where I grew up called Krispy’s. The best pizza I ever had was their "Grandma Pie," which is similar to normal pizza but has globs of mozzarella on top instead of having evenly-distributed cheese. Imagine deep dish, but New York style--the way pizza was meant to be.

Describe your love life in five words.

Does coffee count as love?

What is a big deal breaker in a possible relationship?

Not having goals. We’re in college trying to be the people we dreamed of being since childhood, so if you’re not working to be the best version of yourself, what are you doing with your time? I don’t care what you’re trying to achieve, but as long as you’re continually improving yourself and trying to make yourself happy, I’ll be happy.

Oh, and smoking, vaping, or being an anti-vaxxer. You need to care for your own health and the health of others.

What celebrity would play you in a movie?

James Earl Jones. It would just be him narrating my entire life from a first-person point of view, but it would win every Oscar because the Academy will swoon at the sound of Jones’ voice.

What are some forms of social media through which you can be reached if someone is looking to hit you up for a date?

Snapchat would probably be the best way to get to me at bvitale1. I usually reply pretty quickly because, to be honest, taking hours to respond is just a waste of everyone’s time.

There you have it, ladies: Brian Vitale. Next time you're in need of some coffee or a date to PAWS (Pet Away Worries & Stress), Brian's your man.