Season premiere of The Bachelor

8 Of The Best Moments From 'The Bachelor' Premiere

None of them are about Colton's virginity.

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Season 23 of "The Bachelor" started off with about 45 minutes of "live" television featuring watching parties around the country, awkward hot tub scenes, and a painfully high amount of virgin jokes. The question, "When do we see the limos??" rang throughout viewers' heads for almost an hour. There were two on-air engagements also, because what's more romantic than being proposed to on a tv show in which 30 women compete for one man? Honestly, a lot. After struggling through the live segments, it was finally time to watch the contestants come out of the limos and try to make their best first impression on Colton. While they were chatting throughout the night, a lot of reactions were hilarious, but also relatable.

1. "If one more pageant person comes in, I'm out"

Out of all the contestants, Miss Alabama and Miss North Carolina were two of them. In fact, they competed against each other in the Miss USA competition. Now, they're in another competition against each other, this time for Colton. At least now there are only 28 other contestants instead of 49!

2. "She brought her dog... it's just - I'm fine..."

Colton loves dogs. One of the contestants brought her dog when she came out of the limo. The other girls were upset because they also have super cute dogs that they could've brought.

3. "I really could have done a lot more than a bag of nuts"

One woman's last name was "McNutt" so when she came out of the limo she gave Colton a bag of nuts, hoping that would help him remember her name. When another contestant comes out of a Cinderella-like carriage and light blue dress to match, McNutt felt like a bag of nuts was not enough. Later on in the night when she got to talk one on one with Colton he did not remember her name at all. Whoops.

4. "He needs to know I'm not, like, just fruit"

A contestant from Georgia brought Colton a peach when she came out of the limo because since she's from Georgia she's a sweet peach. Later on, she hoped he wouldn't think of her as "that crazy peach girl."

5. "Oh my gosh she's in the damn tree"

So, um, one of the women decided to make her limo exit dressed as a sloth. She used the line "I heard you like to take things slowwwwlyyy," in reference to Colton's virginity. There were so many virginity jokes it was so bad. At one point in the night, the other women wondered where the "sloth girl" was, and found her in a tree. Yes, an actual tree.

6. "I heard you were drowning in some bitches"

One of the women interrupted Colton when he was talking with another contestant. She had scuba goggles (where did she get those??) to emphasize her "drowning" line.

7. "If the sloth gets a rose over me I'm gonna lose it"

Every woman was thinking it. Never in my life did I think I would have to google "Did the sloth get the rose?"

8. "Hi, can I borrow Colton?" (three times)

One of the contestants, who I personally compare to Jordan from Becca's season on "The Bachelorette," interrupted Colton's conversations with other girls three times - three! For a total of four meetings with him. Obviously, she got the rose at the end because every Bachelor season needs a villain.

The sloth, two pageant women, and a dog seemed to be the biggest events during season 23's premiere. Also, can we PLEASE stop mentioning Colton's virginity? I'm just thankful that next week's episode won't be three hours long with unnecessary live segments!

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If Nick Miller Was A College Student On Summer Break, A Thread

Desperate times call for Nick Miller.

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Currently spending my free time watching "New Girl" again on Netflix. I would say Nick Miller is the most relatable character for college students. He's lazy, drinks a lot, and can be a mess sometimes like many college students.

This is summer break for a college student as told by THE Nick Miller.

1. Payday

The most wonderful day of the week. When all our *hard* work at our summer jobs pays off.

2. Still trying to burn off the freshman 15

This will continue to happen well into summer.

3. When all your friends are out of town and you have a day off

Or if you're just bored out of your mind, watch "New Girl" all day.

4. When you haven't gone out in a couple of weeks...

And you forget how to order a drink.

5. When someone asks what you've been up to this summer

I've done things.

6. Sometimes we're too lazy to even put on pants

7. Maybe you're living on your own this summer

So you have to pay the bills, mow the lawn, fill up your gas tank, cook, clean all yourself.

8. Having a list of things you have to do today and then doing none of it

9. When you thought you would have a summer love by now

10. Thinking about your future a lot

And how you can maybe, kind of, somehow improve your GPA next year.

Cover Image Credit:

FOX

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8 Of The Best Tweets From 'The Bachelorette,' Episode One

Monday nights are now for "The Bachelorette" and all the live tweets that come with it.

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A new season of "The Bachelorette" has just started, which means I have something to look forward to every Monday. Not only am I excited to watch Hannah's journey to find love with 30 eligible bachelors, but I'm also excited to read all the live tweets that come with each episode. During every commercial break, I scroll through the #TheBachelorette trend to see what other fans think of the episode. It's so entertaining to see all the funny tweets and memes people make that perfectly fit each scene. After each episode my Twitter likes are full of tweets about "The Bachelorette," so I want to share my top 8 favorites from this season's first episode.

1. Now you can't wait for it to be next Monday

You never know if you'll like the vibe of the season, but once the first episode starts and the drama begins its impossible to not get hooked on the show.

2. The pilot who didn't wear his uniform was probably regretting it and feeling a little like this tweet

I feel for the guy who didn't wear his pilot uniform because the other pilot who did made it through the first night.

3. GIVE HER YOUR JACKET

I was practically screaming at the TV for Luke to give Hannah her jacket! She said she was cold more than once, get the hint!

4. We love to see a good intro from the guys, and box guy gave us that

Watching the intros is one of the best parts because you get to meet and see all the guys that will be on the show this season. Box King Joe did not disappoint us with his witty intro.

5. Demi and Katie = ultimate best friends 

Them watching the show from a surveillance van and watching out for Hannah was the best. They should have the best friends do this more often!

6. Hannah dating Colton a few months ago is the not same as you dating your girlfriend on MONDAY Scott 

I too almost fell over after him saying that.

7. Is this Parent Trap moment on the Bachelorette?

At first, I really couldn't tell these two guys apart. Give me a few more episodes and I'll have all the names and faces down.

8. John Paul Jones, I can't wait to see how entertaining you will be this season

Thankful John Paul Jones got the last rose because he gets to stick around for at least one more week to entertain all viewers with how many times he can say his full name in one episode.

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