Season 23 of "The Bachelor" started off with about 45 minutes of "live" television featuring watching parties around the country, awkward hot tub scenes, and a painfully high amount of virgin jokes. The question, "When do we see the limos??" rang throughout viewers' heads for almost an hour. There were two on-air engagements also, because what's more romantic than being proposed to on a tv show in which 30 women compete for one man? Honestly, a lot. After struggling through the live segments, it was finally time to watch the contestants come out of the limos and try to make their best first impression on Colton. While they were chatting throughout the night, a lot of reactions were hilarious, but also relatable.
1. "If one more pageant person comes in, I'm out"
Out of all the contestants, Miss Alabama and Miss North Carolina were two of them. In fact, they competed against each other in the Miss USA competition. Now, they're in another competition against each other, this time for Colton. At least now there are only 28 other contestants instead of 49!
2. "She brought her dog... it's just - I'm fine..."
Colton loves dogs. One of the contestants brought her dog when she came out of the limo. The other girls were upset because they also have super cute dogs that they could've brought.
3. "I really could have done a lot more than a bag of nuts"
One woman's last name was "McNutt" so when she came out of the limo she gave Colton a bag of nuts, hoping that would help him remember her name. When another contestant comes out of a Cinderella-like carriage and light blue dress to match, McNutt felt like a bag of nuts was not enough. Later on in the night when she got to talk one on one with Colton he did not remember her name at all. Whoops.
4. "He needs to know I'm not, like, just fruit"
A contestant from Georgia brought Colton a peach when she came out of the limo because since she's from Georgia she's a sweet peach. Later on, she hoped he wouldn't think of her as "that crazy peach girl."
5. "Oh my gosh she's in the damn tree"
So, um, one of the women decided to make her limo exit dressed as a sloth. She used the line "I heard you like to take things slowwwwlyyy," in reference to Colton's virginity. There were so many virginity jokes it was so bad. At one point in the night, the other women wondered where the "sloth girl" was, and found her in a tree. Yes, an actual tree.
6. "I heard you were drowning in some bitches"
One of the women interrupted Colton when he was talking with another contestant. She had scuba goggles (where did she get those??) to emphasize her "drowning" line.
7. "If the sloth gets a rose over me I'm gonna lose it"
Every woman was thinking it. Never in my life did I think I would have to google "Did the sloth get the rose?"
8. "Hi, can I borrow Colton?" (three times)
One of the contestants, who I personally compare to Jordan from Becca's season on "The Bachelorette," interrupted Colton's conversations with other girls three times - three! For a total of four meetings with him. Obviously, she got the rose at the end because every Bachelor season needs a villain.
The sloth, two pageant women, and a dog seemed to be the biggest events during season 23's premiere. Also, can we PLEASE stop mentioning Colton's virginity? I'm just thankful that next week's episode won't be three hours long with unnecessary live segments!