If you did not know American actor Aziz Ansari before the beginning of this year, you probably have heard of him after he received negative attention for sexual misconduct.
The controversy all started when babe.net posted an article which explained an encounter a twenty-three-year-old photographer, under the pseudonym "Grace", met Ansari at an after-party for an award show. "Grace" claimed that her night with Aziz Ansari was the worst night of her life.
Read the Babe article for the full story of "Grace" and Anzari's encounter.
After the release of this article, social media nearly exploded. There was a multitude of negative attention unfairly focused on Aziz Ansari, which sparked controversy about the actor's previous support and loyalties to the #MeToo and Time's Up movement against sexual assault and harassment in our society. It seemed way too hypocritical that an actor acclaimed for his work against sexual harassment was accused of the same actions.
It was not too long before Aziz Ansari's reputation was put into question, and his character was questioned; loads of people referred to him as a misogynist and even a rapist. And while some of these judgments may be reasonable to make, considering the accusations made against him.
But when I read the entire story, the one thing that was made clear to me was that Aziz Ansari is not a rapist, he is just plain creepy.
According to Google dictionary, rape is defined as unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent.
After reading the story of the accusation against Aziz Ansari, it is clear that all of his interactions with "Grace" were lawful and consensual. How can I infer that?
Aziz Ansari might be a jerk, but he is not a rapist. It was "Grace" who approached the actor first, to which Aziz Ansari "blew her off" in a rude kind of way. However, by the end of the after-party, "Grace" managed to get the actor's phone number.
For a while afterward, the two exchanged in flirtatious communication through text messages and arranged a day to get together. Maybe it was his suave mannerism or his big-shot Hollywood career that gave Aziz Ansari a bad attitude, and maybe those same reasons justified this woman's intention to get his phone number.
In order to not repeat the original article and its graphic content, I will just say that after reading the story of what went down during Aziz Ansari's date with "Grace", it is clear that Aziz Ansari is someone not to date, but he is not a rapist. "Grace" ridiculously assumed that her discomfort throughout the night started when Ansari offered her a glass of wine that she did not prefer.
Should he have asked her what type or brand of wine she would have preferred? Maybe. Did he, at any point, force or threaten her to drink that wine?
No. This woman could have easily said, "You know what, I do not really like this type of wine" or "Do you have something else I could drink?" But instead of verbally asserting what she wanted, she stayed quiet. This pattern of passiveness and lack of assertiveness continued throughout the night until it got deadly for Aziz Ansari and his reputation.
After going out to dinner, Aziz invited this woman to his apartment, to which "Grace" consented, "Yes". Aziz Ansari might be pretentious enough to think that one date equals taking a woman home to his apartment, but he is not a rapist for extending an invitation to which the woman willingly said, "Yes".
The events which occurred inside Ansari's apartment are extremely explicit and graphic for me to even repeat. But, from the story, it is clear that "Grace" continued to physically consent to sexual advances with Aziz Ansari despite her "nonverbal cues" which indicated otherwise.
Not picking up on "nonverbal cues" does not mean you are taking advantage of someone; it does not make Aziz Ansari a rapist.
Maybe this woman did feel discomfort in that apartment. Maybe she did not totally consent to the activities which were going on. And while she asserts she presented "nonverbal cues" to the actor to stop, it is true that actions speak louder than words, or in this case, thoughts.
This woman willingly followed the actor back to his apartment after a romantic evening, and I seriously doubt that she had no idea what would occur. Surely, she did not assume the two would play board games the whole night. And if she did, this girl truly needs to learn the ulterior motive to "taking someone home".
Second, "Grace" repeatedly engaged in sexual activities. Like before with the preference of wine, this woman should have spoken up for herself, uttered a simple, "I do not feel comfortable right now", "I want to leave", or "No, please stop."
If any of those things were said, I assume that someone who is such a spokesperson against sexual harassment and assault such as Aziz Ansari would be able to say, "Okay, no problem", and the night would have ended there. Instead, this woman continued to do what made her uncomfortable. She refused to speak up, and now she is framing an acclaimed actor as a sex criminal when he is not.
What this woman should have done was either not go back to this man's apartment or speak up against whatever she did not fully consent to. Because at this point, physically offering yourself in a famous actor's apartment is not strong enough proof that you were "taken advantage of". It seems pretty clear that you, at least physically, were consenting to whatever was happening.
People also do not consider this reality: maybe this twenty-three year-old photographer felt like this was the "worst night of her life" because she knew she was being used, not taken advantage of, used...and she let it happen.
Maybe this young woman felt the pain behind meaningless sex, the reality that is the hook-up culture surrounding our society. Maybe this woman discovered the truth, that there is an inevitable emotional connection to engaging in any intimacies with someone else, especially in a romantic setting. Maybe this woman realized that she had wasted a night with an arrogant, overrated actor that thought he could get sexual favors from her on the first date.
This story is proof of the false narrative surrounding our media, especially its inaccurate portrayal of the #MeToo movement. This story and its reaction in the news is proof that a man accused of any form of sexual harassment is guilty until proven innocent. And a victim's emotions trump the physical proof that distinguish a rapist from a jerk. This false narrative quickly generalizes all men who engage in their sexuality are rapists and should be forever condemned as one. From that point, their career and reputation are completely destroyed.
So, we can add Aziz Ansari to the countless list of Hollywood jerks who are rude towards women and are falsely generalized as a rapist when they are simply just a creep that any respectable woman should not communicate with, date, or worse, marry.
