Being adopted can be tough. Being adopted and not white can be even more tough. Sometimes people ask the weirdest questions when passing by me on the street. Growing up in the very white state of Vermont, I've come to find that people aren't trying to be rude, they're just curious. Though I'm sometimes taken aback by their questions or comments, I try to remember that they don't always mean their curiosity in a demeaning or offensive way. Once I was well into my teens, the questions became more and more normal to me and I just got used to them. What can ya do: if you look different, people are gonna have questions.
Sure, questions are fun (sometimes), but then I get stared at a lot, too. And then, honestly it's a game of dominos because one thing leads to another.
Let me explain.
I get it, I'm peppy, I laugh a lot, I smile, I'm small, I'd like to to think I'm a hysterical humorous nutcase, I look different, and I have a talent of doing this too much:
But sometimes people actually stare too long -- to the point where THEY ACTUALLY COME OVER TO TALK TO ME.
Ugh.
So.
First, they always start off by asking where I'm from (OF COURSE) and I'm like:
But okay, okay, sure, you'd think that there isn't any harm in asking such a question, but the context in which it's being presented is just kind of obnoxious. For me personally, and I'm assuming others as well, I'd prefer, "What's your ethnicity?" because it's more specific.
After I ask them to clarify what they meant by "where are you from," I usually give in and say, "Oh yeah, I'm Vietnamese".
They nod and mispronounce my nationality, saying "Ah, Vietnmamese." *
internal screaming*
Following the awkward mis-pronunciation of my nationality, they sometimes ask how long I've been here in the United States and why my English is so good (really?).
I'd of course, say I'm adopted and then wonder if I should just write a damn biography on myself and hand it out to everyone who wants to know who (or what) the hell I am.
Sometimes the situation gets even weirder and they ask me what my name is.... and I respond with the good old "Alex" and then, well, this happens:
If the person wants to know even more about me (which has happened before), they'll drill me with all sorts of questions about being adopted. Since I've been on adoption panels before, I am always armed with countless answers and words of wisdom.
The following are ~interesting~ questions I have been asked:
"Is it hard being dark skinned and not black?" (I kid you not, that was a question I was asked in public once, and I just ran and grabbed no shoes if ya know what I mean).
"Do you wish you knew who your biological parents are?" (My response to this question usually begins with a sigh.)
"Have you had a hard time finding your Asian identity growing up in a white state?" (Great question, by the way).
"Did your real parents not love you?" (Usually asked by kids, not adults).
The list goes on and on, and sometimes they're so out of the ballpark I'm like...
Honestly, I feel as if I'm not alone in the awkward encounters with strangers as a foreign POC (person of color) adoptee, so I want to bring light the reality a lot of us face growing up.
Being adopted is special. It makes us different, and honestly, I wouldn't have asked for a different life.
Obstacles such as racist comments from ignorant weirdos just come with the package. It's up to us to speak up and to embrace our heritage, to want to share who we are, where we come from and what our stories are with others. Education leads to intelligence and knowledge, so if we open the doors for others as they ask us about our lives, they'll learn something. We don't, of course, need to tell them our whole life story, but just give a little nudge. Say, "Hey, yeah, I'm from *insert country*, and I'm adopted." Just that sentence enough is information they can feed on for a week.
Be bold, be different, and don't be afraid to do so. We are who we are and being adopted makes us different from all of our friends, which is cool beyond Popsicles.
So, in conclusion, let's stay true to ourselves and...
