You didn’t get a 4.0, you were too busy studying to do serious volunteer work, and your rock-hard six-pack abs never seemed to materialize. Well, I’m here to tell you to disregard those negative feelings, because despite whatever your self-perceived shortcomings may be, you are sure to have accomplished at least one of the following items.
1. You put pants on when you didn’t absolutely have to.
As a self-proclaimed pants-hater, some days were just not made for pants. If you put on pants and never really left the apartment, congratulations. I applaud your conformity to society’s expectations regarding attire. You are a better person than me.
2. You did your own laundry.
It sounds silly and a little gross, but honestly, there are actual people who buy more underwear to extend their time between washes. Some people still have their parents do it for them. Bonus points awarded if you live in dorms and have to pay for every (mediocre) wash and dry.
3. You cooked actual food…
…in an actual oven. This excludes anything made in a microwave, i.e. Pizza Rolls, but includes ramen and mac and cheese made on a stove or hot plate.
4. You Resisted FOMO.
You didn’t feel like dressing up and going out to see people, so you stayed in to catch up on homework or your favorite TV shows. You conquered your FOMO and realized that you didn’t really miss out on anything at all.
5. You successfully played off not recognizing somebody.
Somehow, this girl not only knew your name but also a specific memory the two of you shared at a football tailgate. Your mind drew a complete blank, but you managed to hide the look of confusion on your face and match her level of excitement. You talked enough so that she doesn’t realize you never actually said her name, and both parties were left unembarrassed.
6. You didn’t break your phone.
This one definitely does not apply to everyone. I break at least one phone a year, but I know plenty of people that have had the same phone for years, and to me, that deserves significant recognition.
7. You exercised.
Of course this includes going to the gym or for a run, but this one is lax. If you walked at an accelerated pace because you were late to class this year, it counts.
8. You wrote a paper.
You sat down and spent hours researching and writing a paper on a machine that is the ultimate mecca of procrastination, probably in a wooden chair at a fluorescent-lit library. Quality is irrelevant in this sense. What matters is that it happened.
9. You found something you lost.
Whether it be a set of keys or a stray sock, you surely found something you were looking for this year, and that alone merits some bottle popping this New Year’s.
10. You read this article.
Which makes me happy. You’re basically a humanitarian. Go you.
