My love was always different because inside I didn't think I deserved to be loved. My honesty and cries for help have been told that I am rude, selfish, and insecure. Which only heightens my fear of rejection, my fear of showing who I am, because if those I love don't accept me then who will.
My sad days run longer than others, my fears to me are real, no matter how silly they are to anyone else. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression and Anxiety which just means my mind is a jumbled mess. My trust levels are suspicious and my thoughts are confused.
I have always been afraid to let myself go and truly be myself; I was afraid to be judged, but not this year. My word for this season of mine is authenticity. I don't believe in resolutions, and sometimes my words last longer than a calendar year. I believe in growth and moving towards something different.
I want to be who I am inside, but I have always been scared to disappoint others. I cannot say that anyone truly knows who I am because I cannot say that I truly know myself. Over the last six months, I have been on spiritual growth. I have an excellent mentor who makes me think hard and focus on deeper healing. I am erasing the scares left by others who weren't invited.
I have pushed away all who I felt didn't approve of me, or who I felt I had to prove myself to. I have purged the me who stranded her ideas for others happiness. I am becoming one with who I truly am. And I believe we all should. Why live a life full of lies or compromise who you are for someone else.
I am everyone and no one all in the same body. I know that people are treated unfairly but how do I know who is, because to me we all are. I am the voice of everyone, but yet who would want to listen to me. I am good at what I do, but never good enough to expose my inner thoughts, because you will think I am crazy.
But am I? Maybe, but I am ME! Unapologetically.
Sometimes I feel like a bottle of misplaced emotions that someone dropped on the floor and forgot to clean up. The beat that's overlooked in a remix of a song no one's ever heard of. I am me. I am different, I am unique, I am creative. Some may find me hard to deal with, and that's okay. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I am the perfect me of Tiffany.
I matter. I matter. I matter.