I remember the day my nephew was born. He was small, wrinkled, and red in the face. I thought babies were supposed to be cute! What happened? My niece was the same way. Her eyes were too big for her face and her head was oddly shaped. I didn't realize how grueling the process of child birth was on both the mom and the baby. I was only sixteen. I wasn't meant to understand this on my own yet.

Despite these physical observations, I was beyond excited. For the past three and a half years, my nephew and niece have been the center of my conversations and the topic of nearly every social media post. Being an aunt is the best gig in the world. I can hang out with them, but I don't have to discipline them. I can teach them something completely absurd and they think I'm a genius, which is especially amazing for someone like me, who is the youngest of my immediate family by far. I'm never "the bad guy." I'm the one they expect to rescue them when Mom and Dad are being sticks in the mud! I'm the one that feeds them candy before dinner and gets away with it. I love being an aunt and I like to think that they love me.

In high school, I loved when they would come to my sports games and award ceremonies because that meant that I could show them off to my friends. I carried them relentlessly, practically forcing them to spend time with me. I gushed at their first words. I clapped proudly when they took their first steps. I laughed when they said silly phrases. But, unfortunately, time goes by too fast.

Presently, I live over 1500 miles away from home. I used to see them almost everyday. Now, I'm lucky if I get to see them more than twice in the midst of a school year. Of course, it was my choice. I felt that I knew where God was calling me, and I was right about His plan. I'm happy and blessed to be where I am, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't regret leaving every time something happens.

Recently, my niece was part of a dance at her school and I was unable to view the video my family sent me. Through it all, I regretted not being there. I held when she was a newborn. How can she already be in school? How can she already be coordinated enough to dance in a group? I felt guilty for missing such a step in her life. Before I know it, she will be grown.

In the next few days, my nephew will be turning four years old. Knowing this, I can't stop thinking about his first birthday party with a Bubble Guppies theme. All he could say the entire time was "bubble." Now, he never stops talking. It's nonstop chatter with that little boy. He can't be turning four! This can't be the first birthday that I miss!

Whenever I see them now, it seems like they both grow a whole foot in my absence. In the midst of all my new experiences, I am fully aware that I am missing out on some important life events. In the next few months, I will have another nephew, another new born baby that I get to watch grow and develop. But will I? Will I be around enough for him to know me?

So, for all those who are in the same situation as me, I will now share how I typically cope with this reality. First, I try not to think of it as a permanent absence. I think of leaving more as an opportunity for self-improvement. I remind myself that I will eventually have the means and the money to see them whenever I choose and whenever they want. Second, every time I worry that they won't recognize me or that they won't know me, I'm reassured by their voices on the phone that say "I love you, auntie!" I learn to accept that I won't have as much face to face interaction, but I also know that I get to at least talk to them on occasion. Third, I attempt to show them that I am never that far away. Right now, they are too young to understand why I'm not around as much. However, as they grow, I know they will eventually comprehend the reasons for my absence. Hopefully, when that time comes, they will know that I am here for them no matter what.

I know being an aunt is difficult when distance hinders interaction, but it's never as hard as it seems in the moment. Distance doesn't change the fact that I love them. In a way, the distance makes me appreciate my time with them even more. I know that I have many faults, but with this experience, I know that taking time for granted is not one of them.