Communicating with others is not a skill I possess. I wish conveying my feelings and ideas to others were an easy feat for me. It would stop awkward pauses and misunderstandings. It would make romantic companionship a strong possibility in my life instead of a seldom acquired luxury.
A few people have stated that good communication is a quality they look for in a romantic partner. And while I agree that yes, there are multiple advantages to being with someone who articulates well, what about those of us who don't? Is expert communication the be-all-end-all of every relationship?
There are other skills besides communication that makes one a good partner.Being a good listener. Showing empathy. Having an open mind. Displaying patience. Problem-solving skills. Spontaneity. Imagination. Creativity.
If everyone communicated the exact same way, there would be a limited way the world would be experienced. Communicating in only one way means only one point of view is available. There are no gray areas in debates and opinions because everyone could only express themselves one way. There also would be a need for multiple languages. The basis of communication is understanding. A language that is foreign means that no understanding is to be had. So they'd have to go. If everyone were expert communicators, there would be no diversity in the world.
Good mental health has also been named as a good attribute of a partner. Again, I agree that this is also a good attribute for a romantic partner. There's a greater chance for unintended miscommunications and past traumas clouding situations when dealing with someone who's mentally ill. And again I ask, is mental health the be-all-end-all of a relationship?
Offering a different point of view is also a good attribute to bring into a relationship. Emotional awareness, compassion, common sense, maturity, and decency. All these other attributes are what makes someone a good partner.
Painting a broad picture of good mental health as the standard for someone is a disservice. I believe people are more than their mindset. Our mindsets influence our actions and thoughts a great deal, but our minds are not who we are complete. That would mean all that we are is in our minds and nowhere else. We'd have no souls, we'd have no hearts, we'd have no conscience, and we'd have no drive. Do people secretly wish to be coupled with spotless mindless drones? What happened to character?
Clinginess is the last thing people want their significant other to be. Clingy individuals have filled anxiety. They're filled with jealousy and fear. Their rationales are clouded. And who wants to be stalked? Being carefree can't be the be-all-end-all of a good relationship.
I know it sounds crazy, but those who are clingy do tend to have other things to offer. The ability to love, strategy, thinking on their feet, empathy, problem-solving, time management skills, deductive reasoning, determination, motivation. Who wouldn't want someone who keeps their eyes on their prize?
Clinginess comes about for many reasons; however, someone worthy should have the patience and will to comfort a partner who clings to them. Not avoid them at all costs and encourage others to do the same. People grow and then people change. Being someone who helps someone through their trials and tribulations is a bad trait to have as well.
The point of all this is to argue that perceived "bad" things about a person shouldn't be deal breakers for a romantic relationship. I don't think there's one person out there who is completely unlovable. Who are we to shame someone's characteristics so that they can't pursue a common human desire? To receive and give romantic love. The next time you run across someone clingy, afflicted with a mental illness, or has a passive-aggressive communication style, think about this piece. And think if that person were you. Would you want someone to tell you that you'll find love because of how you are?