Attributes Of A Desirable Partner

Attributes Of A Desirable Partner

Three characteristics of someone reevaluated as desirable instead of being avoided.

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Communicating with others is not a skill I possess. I wish conveying my feelings and ideas to others were an easy feat for me. It would stop awkward pauses and misunderstandings. It would make romantic companionship a strong possibility in my life instead of a seldom acquired luxury.

A few people have stated that good communication is a quality they look for in a romantic partner. And while I agree that yes, there are multiple advantages to being with someone who articulates well, what about those of us who don't? Is expert communication the be-all-end-all of every relationship?

There are other skills besides communication that makes one a good partner.

Being a good listener. Showing empathy. Having an open mind. Displaying patience. Problem-solving skills. Spontaneity. Imagination. Creativity.

If everyone communicated the exact same way, there would be a limited way the world would be experienced. Communicating in only one way means only one point of view is available. There are no gray areas in debates and opinions because everyone could only express themselves one way. There also would be a need for multiple languages. The basis of communication is understanding. A language that is foreign means that no understanding is to be had. So they'd have to go. If everyone were expert communicators, there would be no diversity in the world.

Good mental health has also been named as a good attribute of a partner. Again, I agree that this is also a good attribute for a romantic partner. There's a greater chance for unintended miscommunications and past traumas clouding situations when dealing with someone who's mentally ill. And again I ask, is mental health the be-all-end-all of a relationship?

Offering a different point of view is also a good attribute to bring into a relationship. Emotional awareness, compassion, common sense, maturity, and decency. All these other attributes are what makes someone a good partner.

Painting a broad picture of good mental health as the standard for someone is a disservice. I believe people are more than their mindset. Our mindsets influence our actions and thoughts a great deal, but our minds are not who we are complete. That would mean all that we are is in our minds and nowhere else. We'd have no souls, we'd have no hearts, we'd have no conscience, and we'd have no drive. Do people secretly wish to be coupled with spotless mindless drones? What happened to character?

Clinginess is the last thing people want their significant other to be. Clingy individuals have filled anxiety. They're filled with jealousy and fear. Their rationales are clouded. And who wants to be stalked? Being carefree can't be the be-all-end-all of a good relationship.

I know it sounds crazy, but those who are clingy do tend to have other things to offer. The ability to love, strategy, thinking on their feet, empathy, problem-solving, time management skills, deductive reasoning, determination, motivation. Who wouldn't want someone who keeps their eyes on their prize?

Clinginess comes about for many reasons; however, someone worthy should have the patience and will to comfort a partner who clings to them. Not avoid them at all costs and encourage others to do the same. People grow and then people change. Being someone who helps someone through their trials and tribulations is a bad trait to have as well.

The point of all this is to argue that perceived "bad" things about a person shouldn't be deal breakers for a romantic relationship. I don't think there's one person out there who is completely unlovable. Who are we to shame someone's characteristics so that they can't pursue a common human desire? To receive and give romantic love. The next time you run across someone clingy, afflicted with a mental illness, or has a passive-aggressive communication style, think about this piece. And think if that person were you. Would you want someone to tell you that you'll find love because of how you are?

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To The Guy Who Treated Me Like Crap

In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.
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Dear (insert guy's name here),

I’m sorry that I acted as your footstool for so long. You treated me terribly, and for some reason, I couldn’t see that. I only saw you as someone who liked me and wanted to be with me (at least, that’s what I thought). I was like a little puppy dog following you around, completely loving and loyal. I was always waiting for you to text me, posting Snapchat stories for the sole purpose of knowing you would see them and always hoping you would come around when I was out with my friends so I could show you off.

No matter how hard I wanted us to work out, I now realize it never would have.

You weren’t right for me because you treated me like I was your inferior. You were always talking to other girls, flirting with them, and treating me like a child. You were so selfish. Only doing what you wanted and coming around when you felt like it and taking advantage of me. You made me feel crazy when I got mad at you for all the little things. I was so caught up in you that I tried to ignore all of the signals right in front of me.

You just weren’t right for me.

I now know that the right guy for me is the one who respects me and chooses me over everyone else. The guy who never makes me feel insane for questioning something, the guy who understands when he’s done something wrong and can live with the consequences. You just simply couldn’t provide that for me. In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.

While I may have been so upset when our relationship ended, it made me realize who I am and what I deserve. I deserve so much more than someone putting in 50 percent. I deserve an endless amount of respect and communication. Putting in your all for a relationship when they can’t do the same is not healthy and it’s childish. I hope someday you can find a girl that you can love infinitely but I take a lot of pride in knowing that girl won’t be me. I may be single for a really long time or I may find the one tomorrow, either way, I have so much hope that one day someone can give me their all and make me feel incredible.

For now, I’m done wasting my time on guys like you who make me feel miserable.

Sincerely,
The One Who Got Away

Cover Image Credit: Trinity Kubassek

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Thanks To The Jonas Brothers, I Never Regret Not Dating A Teenage Boy

Ya'll made it drama free.

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All thanks to three guys from New Jersey, I never regret not having a boyfriend in Middle or High School. I started listening to the Jonas Brothers when I was in 6th grade. I was awkward, I wanted to fit in simply because I was the minority in my mostly white school district. I also wanted to feel more independent since I was reaching the ripe age of 13.

Eventually, certain things came to me where I was able to gain that independence. I had no problem talking to certain adults simply because I would just be myself, and they would have absolutely no issue with it. Then came Nick, Kevin, and Joe. They already had one album out called 'It's About Time', and too contrary belief became a classic for them to date. Eventually, as they made their approach to the Disney Channel, their popularity increased more and more. Soon enough, everyone knew of them. Even if they didn't even listen to their music, they still knew about them.

I was what you called the stereotypical 'fangirl.' I was overly protective of them whenever I would hear any guy in school call them 'gay' 'ugly' or 'untalented'. In fact, I'm very thankful that social media was not as big yet. I could not imagine going off as much as I would imagine. But there were other ways to vent. I still had some of my friends relate, but even with that, a good portion of them would tell me to stop being obsessed with them. But that only allowed my obsession to grow.

Everything that they did was a news update for me. I had to keep up with them ALL the time, no matter what the condition was. I had to know what they were doing every single day. Okay, not to a point of stalking but you get the picture. My point is that no other boy mattered at the time other than them. Joe was my favorite one so I had to keep up with him the most. Especially when he was dating someone. Yes, I will admit that some of Joe's exes were not my favorite, yet I shipped the hell out of the other ones. But I will say now that as a grown woman I am no longer interfering with his relationship. I was always wondering what it would be like to even go on a date around that age.

I never went on one considering how weird teenage boys truly are. Some of them want a girlfriend simply just to have one, and others just had their hormones go all nuts. The reason why I wasn't heavy on dating during that time was simply that I was trying to focus on myself and who I truly was. I did not want to deal with any of the drama that came with a relationship because I had a lot more than I needed to worry about.

Yes, did I want a guy that I thought was hot to date me of course! But it turns out looking back on it, I'm grateful that I decided to not give him the time of day. Considering that nowadays he's not exactly the right person to be with anyway. Even in general, I'm glad I never had to worry about fighting with another girl about another guy. A total complete waste of time, and not worth sacrificing anything.

I realized that there was so much more to life than just having a guy like you. Even if you did get those weird feelings every time he was around. Also if it was the other way around where a guy liked you, and you just didn't like him back. What a complicated web the teenage years hold. But back to the Jo-Bros. I'm grateful that these guys were in my life because it distracted me from the realities of how teenage boys truly are. You know, the ones that don't sing to you and tell you-you're beautiful every five seconds.

I'm grateful for all the memories that I had with these guys, especially making endless books and PowerPoint presentations on why I loved them so much. Although I'll still keep up with them once in a blue moon, it doesn't mean that I'll forget my first love. Just because I'm not in a room where they've plastered all over the walls anymore, doesn't mean that I didn't cherish those times when I would beg my mom to get me the latest teen magazine. If they were not in it, I didn't want it! Plain and simple everyone remembers their first teen crush. But I'm grateful that these three brothers allowed me to not get distracted by the teen dating scene. Also, I think it helped out my father as well.

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