As I lay in this hospital bed, I think to myself about the meaning of life. Even when I was little, I always used to ask myself what the meaning of life was. We go through life just passing time by, waiting until we die. We had no responsibilities when we were young until we went to school. Even so, we go to school in order to find a stable job and work for the rest of our lives, and then what?
As I lay in this hospital bed, I wonder if I'm going to Heaven or Hell. I wonder if I'm going to lose all my memories and be reincarnated. I wonder if I'll be able to see my family again in the future. Who knows? But I know that I'm going to take my last breath soon.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I reminisce of all the memories I've had, like watching "Hey Arnold!" when I was a teenager, going to frat parties when I was in college, walking the stage and graduating with my bachelor’s degree from college while my parents film me from the crowd, holding balloons that say "Congratulations."
As I lay in this hospital bed, I watch as the nurse gives me my medication. I hate it when they see me weak like this. How pathetic that I can't even stand by myself to even use the bathroom.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I wait and wait for my time to end. No matter how much I hope to live, I lay there scared that I am going to take my last breath soon. I watch the monitor, hoping that I don't go flat line. I'm scared to leave my family, and I just wonder what is going to happen when I die.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I break down into tears as I write my living will.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I hope people will miss me after I'm gone. I hope that I'm not forgotten. I hope people still visit me at my grave site, because I don't want to be forgotten so easily. I hope my my grandchildren will tell stories about me to their children.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I pray and pray that I live through this mess. I don't want to suffer anymore, but I don't want to leave the people that I love. It's so hard knowing that I'll be gone but I don't know when. I wish there was a timer, because I want my family here so I can say my goodbyes to them before I'm gone.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I remember the memories of going to the beach and eating ice cream with my family. I still remember the taste of that half vanilla, half chocolate ice cream cone. I remember teaching my grandchildren how to skee-ball. I remember eating that big, juicy steak on the grill when we had a cookout.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I get depressed because of all the things that I didn't complete on my bucket list before my time is up. I haven't been able to skydive or even bungee jump. I never visited Argentina or Seoul. I never went to Las Vegas to gamble. I didn't even get to finish number 71 on my bucket list, which is scuba diving.
As I lay in this hospital bed, I hope I don't close my eyes for the last time.
I hope you read this, because I want you to live the best that you can, and live your life before you lay in your death bed wondering when will your last breath is going to be.
To: The younger me.
From: The older me.
