If you’re looking for some super fresh and exciting fall-related listicles to read before you fall asleep at 2 pm so that you can truthfully say you “read all the time,” and you also are moderately-to-extremely happy that autumn is upon us again, then you might be one of the thousands of young women affected by chronic fallitis. Instead of endlessly scrolling through Facebook to find numerous fall articles to share with all of your equally fall-happy FB friends (that would be a waste of precious pumpkin latte drinking time), I’ve conveniently listed them all here for you. I know we millenials have a difficult time reading anything that’s not numbered 1-10 with large headings and lots of pictures, so I’ve helpfully included those criteria here. Keep in mind that what you’re about to read is sure to knock your warm, fuzzy socks off, because you’ve definitely never seen anything like this before.
Speaking of warm socks...
1. Fall Clothes
Wow, aren't hoodies and Uggs just the greatest thing ever? Oh, and yoga pants? Isn’t being able to wake up and throw on a hoodie, uggs, and yoga pants all at the same time just the greatest thing on this planet? It’s awesome not needing to have a sense of fashion or any individuality whatsoever just because it’s fall.
2. Bonfires
Bonfires are swell. Beer, friends, a nice crackly fire, and probably a vape or two make up the recipe for the best night ever. What could be better than staring at a fire while intoxicated (in a hoodie, yoga pants, and Uggs, obviously)? The answer, friends, is nothing. Nothing is better than that.
3. Pumpkin Spice
If someone asked me to choose between never going to a bonfire again or never drinking another pumpkin spice latte, I would pick option C) off myself with the nearest pumpkin carving knife. Since I am a young twenty-something Caucasian female, I will find it necessary to Snapchat pictures of the many pumpkin spice lattes I imbibe this fall, with the caption “basic white girl” (and a sassy emoji) to make sure all my acquaintances know that I am, in fact, a basic white girl.
4. School
Although I might complain about what a drag school is the other 360-odd days of the year, during syllabus week, it’s so fetch (this is funny because I’m using Gretchen Wieners' coined term ironically even though I actually do think syllabus week is great). Speaking of school, I’m super excited for October 3rd so that I can make lots of jokes about it with all my college friends. Also, October 3rd is in the fall, and everything is great in the fall.
5. Cooler Weather
The only thing slightly un-fetch about the colder autumn weather is that I’ll no longer be able to post pictures of myself scantily clad in a bikini and looking pensively into the ocean, with a caption like “the sea is where I find myself” to distract my Instagram followers from the fact that my pic is actually just an excuse to flaunt my super tan bod. I will, however, be able to replace my slutty summer (slummer?) photos with pictures of myself drinking pumpkin beer in ripped up jean shorts (high-waisted, obvi), a crop top (I’ll wear them until the first frost—you’ll never stop me!), and a flannel tied around my waist (to demonstrate my command of lumberjack chic). Cheers!
Friends, join me in a movement to spread the word about how wonderful fall is, and save your peers from having to read numerous articles that all say the same thing, by sharing this. Then take your yoga pants-and-hoodie clad self and go on a hayride with your pumpkin flavored beverage.
