From hippies to hipsters, the people I encounter in SoCal seem to march to the beat of their own drum. In the midst of it all, I feel like a sellout when I wear clothes from the mall instead of from a corner thrift store. I imagine I’m a walking billboard for the mainstream. I wonder if people think I walk around without a single creative thought in my head.
As an art major, I feel an immense load of pressure to dress and look "like an artist.” But what does this entail exactly? Should I walk around with paint on my clothes to prove I'm an artist? While a few items in my closet fit this description, I also own clothes that I've managed to save from the wrath of my paintbrush.
The very fact that I shop at the mall fills me with a prickly, uneasy sense of insecurity and unhappiness. In the words of a millennial, I feel basic af. It seems to me like most of my art class peers find most of their clothes at thrift stores, where they rummage through piles of debris to find buried treasure. I get the sense they've worked hard to find bargains and sales, while I buy designs owned by hundreds of other people.
What about my nose piercing? Does that give me credibility points or has this become a mainstream trend at this point? Many people probably consider nose piercings relatively tame. In general, why is it that we associate piercings and tattoos with artistic style and talent? Is it because both can be considered forms of art in and of themselves?
Another parallel to tattoos and piercings comes in the form of hairstyles, particularly when people dye their hair. When I streaked my hair with blue in high school, people pointed out that I must be an artist. By this logic, would I be demoted to a non-artist if I reverted to my normal hair color? This leads me to question whether I'm dyeing my hair for my own pleasure or to fit the image of a so-called artist. And where does the intersection between the two lie?
More than anywhere else, I worry about my appearance every time I go to class because everyone there seems to be an artist -- even the non-art majors. I feel inferior to my peers with multiple piercings, funky haircuts and mismatched clothes -- those who are too "chill" to care about their unruly bedhead and uneven bangs. From my circle of insecurity, it seems as if they must be infinitely artsier than me. Compared to them, my un-dyed, mall-bought pulchritude must come off as boring, expected and the opposite of down-to-earth. As you can imagine, it's an exhausting way to live.
My perception of myself likely does not reflect how other people see me. But it will be some time before I figure out whether the way I dress affects who I am as an artist or if it's the other way around.
