It’s a new semester, a new year, and most importantly a new you. This isn’t going to be the year that you go to the ARC only until spring break or only during syllabus week, this is the year that you transform your rear end to be confused with Jen Selter’s beautiful behind. Here are the steps to take to get your routine on a roll.
Research is key. Take a look into your local classes and gym passes offered. Let’s start with some classics: Illini Pole Fitness and ARC Fitness Passes.
Realize that your parents don’t buy the upper body strength argument associated with your pole fitness class.
Mom: “It’s a pole dancing class.”
Me: “Pole fitness and it’s great for your upper body strength.”
Mom: “I’m not allowing you to go to stripper school.”
Me: “Ugh.”
Now that Illini Pole Fitness is out of the picture (it’s ok, $130 for 10 sessions is out of our price range anyway) why don’t we look into the ARC Fitness Pass for $50.
When you purchase an Unlimited Semester Pass, you may attend every fitness class with room available. To secure a spot you have to call in advance, otherwise you can just walk in. Classes include Cycling, Yoga, Iyengar Yoga, BodyFlow (bring yoga mat), BodyAttack, BodyPump, and BodyJam. There are 1-5 classes per day, 7 days a week.
(Or you could just go to the ARC and work out for free because you’re a student.)
The next step is finding your motivation.
If you’re frugal, paying money for a class may make you go. Your guilt will get your ass off the couch watching the Netflix that your parents pay for and get you to the class that you pay for. Plus, the decrease of cash in your wallet will simply mean fewer regretful late night trips to Wingin’ Out.
If you’re trying to impress someone, the key is to go to the ARC when they do. This works in two ways, first you can make them think that you have something in common when really all you know about them is how hot they look in a cut off. Next, you can watch them sweat in a cut off. This will make you even more tongue tied around them until you one day leave the gym at the same time and have an award breathless conversation about how much you hate people that only work out for their New Year’s Resolutions.
If you just really hate working out, find a friend who loves to workout and follow in their sweaty footsteps. Make sure you do an extra set each time they say “I need new Lululemons! I just love working out in my brand name clothes,” or “OMG don’t you just LOVE the feeling you get after you work out?” or “Do you think I lost or gained weight because the scale says I lost weight but I still feel fat IDK what do you think do you think my stomach looks flatter?” Actually, make that two sets each time.
Finally, you need to have a reward.
Now, it’s important that your reward coincides with your motivation. If it’s money, make sure you buy yourself something that reflects your success, like a new swimsuit. If it was that cutie at the gym, ask him out with your newly acquired confidence. Whatever it is, make sure you earned it.
And if you give up, don’t worry. There’s always next year.
