This morning, I awoke with great joy as I realized it was almost the weekend. The sun was shining, my bed was cozy, my alarm didn't sound as annoying as usual, there was a spider on my wall... Wait. A spider. On my wall. MY wall. How dare this filthy creature inhabit my living space! Does it pay my tuition? Does it go to class for me? No. So, in my adrenaline-fueled rage, I tried to overcome my paralyzing fear (since I'm an "adult" now). I grabbed a shoe, swung with all my might, missed the spider, and watched as it scuttled into the shadows, angry and likely plotting my untimely death. From the time I woke up to now, as I write this article, I've been living in constant fear. I've thought all that every wind gust that tickles my leg was the murderous spider coming back to get his revenge. It's ruining my life. This traumatic event inspired me to write an article that all people who are irrationally afraid of a tiny, eight-legged, harmless, hairy, beady-eyed, terrifying (I can't breathe) bug (it's just a bug, Madeline) can relate to.
1. Even if you love Harry Potter, Aragog is just no.
When I read the Harry Potter books, my throat closed up and my heart started pounding when Aragog, the giant, talking spider was introduced. And that's just reading about the dumb thing. Naturally, watching any scenes where he is involved is out of the question. I usually attach pictures to my articles, but I'll pass this time.
2. The feeling you get when people post about spiders on social media
How dare people share a video of a giant, hamburger eating spider dressed as a clown on Facebook without my permission? I jump every time I'm innocently scrolling through my newsfeed and see a picture or video of a "cute" spider without warning. My heart can't handle that kind of stress.
3. When you're home alone and have to kill a spider
Within the first month of living in a dorm my freshman year, I was subject to the horror of killing a spider on my own. I saw the familiar black spot scurrying across my floor; my mouth opened to yell for my dad, and I think the spider looked me right in the eye and said, "Dad isn't here anymore." After a lot of screaming and dancing around it, I finally killed the thing. I still don't like to talk about it.
4. This guy is your hero.
If you haven't seen the video, look up "Man burns his house down trying to kill a spider." You're welcome.
5. When people say, "The spider is smaller than you are. Just step on it!"
6. Every spider is a "tarantula."
I don't think I've actually seen a tarantula in real life, but every time I see or tell a story about a spider, I always call it a "tarantula." All spiders, no matter how small, are giant in my eyes.
7. "Charlotte's Web" was a no-go.
Most readers were in tears when Charlotte died. Not me. I was stressing over all the babies she left behind that would probably find their way out of the book and into my home. Not my favorite piece of literature.
Maybe it's not natural to be this afraid of something when I'm almost twenty years old. Who cares. I have family and friends for a reason, and it's to protect me from spiders.
