One of my favorite words is “juxtapose.” I remember back in high school, being proud of myself every time I would throw it into a literary essay or criticism, arguing about the “juxtaposition” of two ideas, two symbols, two themes, etc. For example, we see in the movie "Inception" a juxtaposition within limbo; the potential it has to essentially damn you for eternity, lost, while also creating an almost-peaceful catatonic state for the dreamer. With this in mind, we can almost liken limbo to the afterlife. The spiritual and non-denominational alike can agree that something happens when we die, even if that something really is nothing.
Perhaps the mind and the subconscious will fold in on itself, forced to spend an eternity with all it has captured up until the moment we pass on. The brain squeezes itself into a subconscious limbo; an eternal dream constructed by our own designs, hopes, fears, loves, memories. However, the attraction to this is relative of course. Those of us with dark fears, anxiety, hopelessness, we may find ourselves afraid of this. Being forevermore trapped in an endless space of ourselves? Damning. But the faithful may see this as their heaven.
In fact, maybe it is Heaven.
The faithful build up this idea of an afterlife for their entire lives; it only seems fitting that once we pass on, it will create the foundation of our subconscious limbo setting construction. But, even with this juxtaposition of two entirely contrasting ideas, we can accept that a limbo is frightening. A vast, endless universe within ourselves. We are such now, but we only explore certain parts of our minds and imaginations. We only explore what we are comfortable with, what we can accept, really. Would a limbo take us to the parts of our mind that we keep closed off? Will we be forced to face the people we turned away from, for fear of change or judgment? That all depends on you and your mind. What I love about dreams is how infinite they are. They are mostly unpredictable, save from occasional lucidity, of which I have experienced a few times in my dreams. Their possibilities almost send you through another life.
Occasionally I find myself reliving an experience in a much happier or sometimes a much darker tone. With the flip of a switch, my subconscious illuminates my fears, then the things that make me happiest. During times when I am most anxious, I know I will dream about something I fear most. This is entirely off-putting since it continues the cycle of uncertainty. This is how I see limbo playing out. You will send yourself to where you see little change. Wherever you have spent the most time in your conscious mind up until those last moments.
This sends me down another road: what if we knew our final moments were here? What if you were to find out that the world, or your world, were to come to an end in moments? How would you take another bow before they close the curtain? Who would you call? Would you? What would you say? Would you sit, in peace, thinking about the one(s) you love most? That is where I wish to be. I wish to have lived a life in such a way that those I love know that I love them, and those who love me will be able to send me off, like a soldier going home. This does not have to be at old age. I want this to be at any time, which admittedly is not where I am right now. I feel closed off from many things and many people, unfortunately. As of late, I have been reflecting on those I love and those who influence me the most, but I doubt many of them know I value them so much. People always say, “tell the people you love that you love them, right now, because you never know." Not enough of us do it. We absolutely should. We should not only matter to other people but let them matter to us.
If you are reading this, whether you know who I am or you simply stumbled across this article or my twitter account, know that you are an infinite universe inside one person. To say you are but “one person” sounds humbling, but to be where you are and who you are today has taken leaps and bounds that only you could have, and have taken. So, be proud. Be proud of where you stand, even if you feel like you’re standing in a rut, because, once you climb out and go forth, you will remember the mud on your shoes and be able to climb even higher. You are capable. You are loved.
