Every Thanksgiving my huge family comes from far and wide to sit down in or dining room over great good and the pleasure of each other’s company. We have a family tradition where, after we say grace, each person seated at the table will go around and say what they are thankful for this year. My dad always kicks it off because he resides at the head of the table. He was thankful for just how good we have it. As a world traveler, he has seen the destitution and poverty in third world countries. He commented that although these impoverished people have very little they still have the uncanny ability to be happy. They have family and that is all they need. This was a nice way to put in perspective the gargantuan feast we just served up, it is a privilege to share it with those we care about and for that we are thankful.

The opportunity to share was then passed to my Irish Uncle. He kept it short and sweet, “I am thankful for my wonderful wife.” She rocks, I totally get it. We continued in similar fashion around the entirety of the table. When we reached the end, it was my Grandpa’s turn to share what he was most thankful for this year. He said that he was thankful that our family genuinely liked each other. He paused to let that sink in a little bit, then continued to explain.

My grandpa regarded how he generally assumed all families were happy and liked spending time with each other from personal experience with his own and that is commonly shown on TV. However, through his experience in men’s clubs and other types of social gatherings, he decided that his perception had been wrong. Not all families enjoy each other’s company. Not all families like each other genuinely.

Now that seems to be a fairly obvious point to most people. You may be thinking that my Grandpa has a naïve view on family life because he hasn’t experienced the things that traditionally tend to tear families apart. Well, you are wrong. He has been divorced. He has remarried. He has four children and three step-children. You now may be asking yourself then how could he still have this positive outlook on family life?

My Grandpa and Grandma, after their divorce, made the conscious decision that they valued their family and because of that made a concerted effort to make holidays and family gatherings positive experiences. That mindset was instilled in my aunts and uncles and passed down to all of the cousins. My Grandpa said at the Thanksgiving dinner table that he was thankful that our family, at all levels from grandparents down to grandchildren, genuinely appreciated and enjoyed our family time.

Now, what I said I was thankful for was my family and Saturday Night Live. I want to revise that and say I am thankful for my family’s approach and mindset when it comes to spending time with each other. It is the definition of quality time and I believe that stems from my grandparents making the conscious decision to place a high value on it.

This is something that everyone can do. No, you may not like everyone all the time. That is unreasonable to assume. However, if you take a new approach to family time this holiday season, going into it with the mindset that it is a good use of your time, then it is possible that you may eventually realize the value that it has. It is never too late to start trying.

Happy Holidays!