This summer has been a rocky one to say the least. I went from ending my freshman year of college on a complete high, great grades, an incredible year at an incredible school, and I had become a completely different, better, artist in my craft than the beginning of the year and I felt absolutely tremendous. Coming home from school was like being thrust into the real world again. I was no longer training consistently and dancing every day like I had been doing at school, I wasn't constantly surrounded by some of the best people I had ever met, and I had a ridiculous amount of time on my hands, and I find free time to be very unsettling. Of course coming home had its plus sides; seeing my family, my dog, and spending time with my friends at home is always great however it just never really seemed complete and I was totally impatient to go back to school and knew that the next four months would drag by so painfully slow. I could get through it because I knew that I was going back to school, it wasn't even a question... until it was a question and the answer seemed like a no. For reasons I chose not to specify my family and I were put into an unfortunate situation of struggling to figure out whether or not I was going to be able to return to the school that I loved more than any other. Eventually thanks to a huge amount of help from Dean College and of course my amazing parents, we were able to find a way to send me back to school, thankfully.

I recently have found that the most unfortunate situations bring out the best in us and the best in others but it makes me wonder why we have to wait for these bad things to happen for us to change. And it makes me regret all the times I spent sitting in my dorm and not doing things because I was too tired or just didn't feel like it, or all the incredible people I didn't talk to because I was too afraid that they would think that I was just this strange, little, freshman who liked Harry Potter a little too much. I think about all the things I would miss this year, mainly the little things like the nights in with my best friends, or our "family dinners" we would have in the dining hall, or even spending nights in the studio just dancing and using the space simply because we can and I regret how much I took those things for granted. I regret that I didn't realize before how lucky I was to go to such an amazing school and to learn from such amazing professors, I just thought "hey this is pretty dope, I kinda like it here," instead of thinking about all the people that have wanted more than anything to be where I was and was told no simply because there was no one there to try to help them. Even in the times when I felt like throwing in the towel and started thinking about all the things I would do if I couldn't go back to the fall semester my mom stayed positive and she found ways to work things out and I think that I do not appreciate them enough. I do not appreciate life in general enough and that is one of my biggest regrets especially because I know better than to take life or granted.

I have decided to spend this year doing things. I want to make this year and all the struggles this summer worth it. I do not ever want to let life simply pass by just because its happening and I can't slow it down. I do not want to be afraid of things and I do not want to say no to things just because I don't want to. My new motto is "Say yes first, figure out how to make it happen later," and I think that is how I am going to spend my sophomore year. I do not know what is to come for this year...Nothing in life is definite besides that it will eventually end and although that sounds incredibly somber it is a fact that I have long since accepted and I think that more than anything I need to appreciate life while it is happening as opposed to when it's not.