An Apology To My Older Brother

To My Older Brother, I'm So Sorry

Because of me you never had a childhood, that's not fair.

Tori Renovitch

Dear Alec,

It's no secret that our relationship has always been rocky. There's a lot of bad blood between us, and we've never quite seen eye-to-eye. We may never have a normal relationship because of all the negative memories we have. They just always seem to overshadow the good times.

It takes two to have a good relationship, and I don't think either of us is really committed to healing our hurts. Neither of us is at a place in our lives that we can sit down and civilly talk about how we feel about each other. And that's on us.

I'm not trying to put all the blame on you. We both have screwed up and we both have some responsibility for our broken relationship. And I want to apologize for my part.

Growing up, our parents expected more from you because you were older. They expected you to keep your emotions together and not need anything. I was the greedy one and stole all our parent's attention. You never had the time you wanted with them.

Not only did I take their attention, but I took their money. I was always wanting and would throw a fit if I didn't get what I wanted. My parents gave everything to me and there was hardly anything left over for you. You had enough to survive, but I got more. And that wasn't fair.

I was emotionally unstable and unregulated. I believe that I have matured and changed, but I don't think that you think so as well. Yes, I have days that I revert a bit and do the childish things I used to do. But I have come so far from where I was.

I really hope that you see the change in me someday. I have tried so, so hard to be a good sister. I know I have failed in so many ways, but I really want to change that. I want to fix our relationship.

Alec, I am so sorry for being a spoiled brat. I'm sorry for overshadowing you from the sight of our parents. I think one of my biggest regrets in life is stealing your childhood because of my own selfish desires.

I pray that you can bring yourself to forgive me. I want to be there for you. I want us to be able to get along and laugh and make good memories so that the bad ones are no longer overwhelming our feelings.

You have grown up and matured so much! I'm so proud of all that you've done and accomplished despite all the lemons life has thrown at you. You are doing so well and trying so hard. I'm really excited to see you continue to move forward in life. Don't forget to make time to build a family. One of us has to and it won't be me!

Tori Renovitch

You really are a great older brother. You are strong and loyal in ways that I am not. I know that we will always have our differences, but I also trust that you will always be there for me.

I want you to know that I am willing to wait as long as I need to for us to be mend. I will force myself to be patient even though I want to skip to the part where everything is better. I will wait because I love you. So take your time to heal. Do what you need to do so that we can eventually have more than just a relationship. We can be friends. We can be family.

I love you, bro.


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