Dear Ex Best Friend,

Let me start by saying, I am sorry. I am sorry that we haven’t talked in over a year. I am sorry that I never got around to telling you the way I feel. I am sorry that our friendship just faded away with no real resolution. Most of all, I am sorry that you will be reading this open letter instead of us having an open discussion.

I am in awe that it has been more than a year since we have talked. I can’t remember what we talked about, or how we said goodbye, but I know that it was the last. Graduation came and went, I headed one way and you the other. I watched you achieve your goals from afar, but I never felt comfortable enough to send a text to congratulate you. I am sorry that I let our issues get to this point of non-communication.

Even after all this time, I wonder if you even know how much you hurt me. I regret not telling you that when you ditched me to hang out with a new crowd, you made me feel so small. I am sorry that when they dropped you, I accepted you back with no questions asked. I am sorry that when homecoming and prom rolled around, I dared to expect the same kindness in return. I am sorry I took your promises seriously, and that I let myself get upset when you broke them. I am sorry that you felt that how a random high school boy thought of you was more important than the thoughts of a girl who defended you for four years.

I’m still not sure if you didn’t realize how much I did for you, or if you just didn’t appreciate it. I wonder if you know how many times I defended you when the only words being said about you were negative. I am sorry that I believed in you to the point that I ended friendships solely based on the way they treated you. I am sorry that I chose to cut out a girl, who I am now blessed to call a true best friend. I am sorry that instead of telling you what they were saying about you, I tried to protect you.

I know I wasn’t perfect. I know that I helped drive a wedge in between us, one that I never bothered fixing. I am sorry that I gave up on us. I could only put so much time and energy into a one sided relationship. I am so sorry that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you this sooner. I am sorry that I am a coward who had to write an open letter rather than call.

Even after all of the hurt, all of the low times, all bull you put me through, I care. I care that you are happy. I care that you are conquering all the challenges that come your way. I still smile when I see your long winded Facebook posts, because they are so you. Even though when we knew each other you had a lot to learn about friendship, I can see your growth. I hope you’re making new friendships built on solid ground. Lastly, I am exited to see the women you become. But, I am sorry that I won't be around to grow with you because you could never look past your pride to just say sorry.

Sincerely,

The Friend Who Gave Up