College is tough. I don't think I speak for myself when I say this either. Taking a trip to the cafeteria can reveal a wide range of students. Some don't seem to have a care in the world, while others look like they could be mistaken for a corpse from the cadaver lab.

Typically, one would see a burned out student, someone taking 36 credit hours of rocket science theory because boy, they just have to. On the other hand, some of those deathly faces might only have 12 or 16 credits of classes that seem like they copied your high school curriculum. Sometimes it only takes one small loose rail tie to throw the whole train off the tracks.

One small hiccup can take procrastination from being a one-time thing to an every night event. One small dislocation to make getting out of bed the worst part of the day, and getting back in the best. It can take anything to change your outlook.

Even if schoolwork wasn't the problem that started the rut, it can take away all traction, leaving your tires spinning in the mud. Assignments, even simple ones, become just one more thing you have to do. One more hill to run over, rather than straight on.

I had/have this problem on the daily and God, it gets so shameful, trying to do an assignment a professor put twice as much time and effort in to create as you will completing the assignment. That's if you even do the assignment.

I figured this professor at least needed some kind of explanation as to why I seem to not give a shit about his class and the cold hard wall he might be met with when he passionately tries to increase my understanding.

Professor,

I would like to apologize for the lack of effort I have been putting forth in your class. It is unfair for you to take the time to plan ways to help enrich learning and understanding of our texts and questions, but for me to then not do the assignments.

I have felt too overwhelmed and exhausted with commitments and other mental health issues this past year that I have neglected my responsibilities as a student. I have had to drop my work study position recently in order to try to correct this problem.

College is difficult, but for reasons other than what I expected. I often don't feel like I should be here, but what else would I do? Once again, I apologize for not doing my assignments and contributing to class in a meaningful way.

It was an email I regretted immediately after I sent it. What a pathetic plea for pity. There's no way he sees me as anything other someone wasting their time and money. I got a reply.

Hello John,

I understand. It's not that unusual, really. I could give you a long list of students and advisees who have had a moment in their first year where they looked back and thought about how it could have gone differently. If I remember correctly (20 years ago!), I think I got all of my Cs in my first year. Somehow, I figured it out because years 2-4 were much better.

You often put serious thought into your work and produce strong writing, so, as I see it, there's a reason you should be here. Also, I think you could end up all right in Paideia, grade-wise. The small assignments make a difference, but your grades on the more substantial assignments are solid. Give yourself a strong push in these last few weeks.

See you soon.

Maybe things do get better.