I never thought I would have to write something like this to the only person I thought would stick with me in life. A wave of emotions hit all at once, leaving me empty. Sadness, anger, irritability. At some point in this letter, I hope to make my point clear and I hope that your heart is open to understanding me. I don't hate you, but I don't think it's necessarily healthy to keep a friendship that makes one feel less than the other. You made me feel complete. I never got the chance to have a biological sister, and you made it seem like a wonderful thing. I bet it is! Along with my letter, I also want to express my gratitude toward you. I will continue to love you regardless of whatever comes next.
I know I left a couple times too much and you probably felt alone. I know I would've. Each time I came back, it was different, both good and bad. You become closer and more drawn to them (you know who they are) and that's okay. That's not the reason I'm writing this letter. It hurt when I felt left out. You, of all people, know I want nothing to do with them. Small talk is fine but to be “forced” into a friendship(s) that I have no interest in making any efforts to keep, is not what I will put up with. For this, I don't need to justify myself. The problems I was put up with because of them still remain in my head, although that's passed me.
Yes, I still have resentment. Yes, I still hold a grudge. No, I will not apologize for what I'm feeling. God knows my heart all too well. I have my reasons and I hope that you understand me, although you may not know what I actually went through completely. I've had things like this happen to me before. I've had many hardships that ended being a one sided problem. It was always them, not me. This time it's me. I came to realize that people come and go. I always put in the effort to keep people even when they don't plan to stay. I think it's pointless now because I finally decided I don't want to be the second pick.
Although my feelings were hurt and you're probably still wondering why I still love you. Always have, always will. I've had many “best friends” who all decided to leave in a short period of time. Out of all of them, you stuck out the longest. Six years makes you want to believe it was love. It was a beautiful friendship that would last a lifetime, right? We've had our disagreements before, but we've never actually fought. This, however, has happened before and it only became awkward for the both of us. I think we came back to that stage again, only this time I decided that this was it.
You made me laugh, you showed me what true friendship is, what it feels like to have a little sister, although it's not the same. You showed me that we don't have to do anything wild and crazy to have fun. Movies and Buffalo Wild Wings was all it took! You made me feel loved when you were the only friend I actually counted on. You are beautiful in every way and I learned a lot from you. I learned reasoning and sarcasm. It was always a scary adventure with you, nevertheless, worthwhile. I could write forever, but this is already long as it is.
Although you won't see me around much anymore, the times I do see you will be special to me. Thank you for the six years of love and friendship you gave me and I'm sorry if I couldn't give you much. Maybe you were hurt too, at one point. I left and came back, more than once, and things do change in a couple of months, best believe me. We had made a promise to each other that we'd go to each other's graduation. You came to mine, but time wasn't right when your graduation came along. I was 5000 miles away on your special day and I'm sorry for that. Though we won't be as close as we used to, I'll still love you and keep you in my heart, wherever I go. I hope you will do the same too.
