Every writer has had a moment where they try to write but nothing is coming out. You try to reflect on your week, listen to a few songs, but there's just NOTHING in your tiny brain that you can grasp at for inspiration. So what do you do? Sit and stare at a wall, procrastinate... or you can write an article about why you can't write an article (how meta and relatable).
Basically, that's what's happening to me at the moment. It's 9 o’clock at night, I'm sitting on the floor two days after my deadline trying to come up with some sort of stupid story that will entertain the three people who actually read my articles (hey mom) and failing miserably. School just takes a lot out of you, ya know? So I'm gonna read the top 5 stories on CNN right now and tell you my thoughts on them.
1) Hermine's path shifting away from New York City
Oh boy. Another reason I'm glad I live far away from an ocean and live in a crusty, sad desert instead. Basically the article is about this crazy storm that’s a-brewin’ back in the East coast and I guess it's gonna ruin everybody’s weekend. Awe. It's almost like that area is always prone to tropical storms and yet people STILL LIVE THERE. You get no sympathy from me, boys. Either get out or quit your whining. My town is probably gonna dry up in about 5 years and have no water supply. Do you see me cryin’ about it? No. Go get a raincoat and shut up.
2.) German far right party has strong showing in Merkel’s home state
Great, politics, something I know nothing about. Well, I don't know much about Angela Merkel besides what I've gathered from Kate McKinnon’s impression of her, but I know she's like the Chancelor of Germany, and people don’t like her because of all the immigrants and blah blah blah. I guess her party lost and the German equivalent of the GOP (Republicans) called the Alternative für Deutschland defeated the Christian Democratic Union in this German state with a weird German name that I'm too lazy to type. This whole issue seems pretty complex and out of the realm of my understanding, so I'm gonna slowly back away from this article (figuratively speaking) and pretend I never opened it or looked at it. Bye.
3.) Hong Kong vote sees record turnout; ‘Umbrella Revolution’ leader set for election
This one I'm actually happy about since I've been following this whole Umbrella Revolution thing for awhile now. It's so awesome that after all the crap Hong Kong has experienced with their democracy and their freedoms being threatened by China that they are regaining control and speaking up for their injustice. The preliminary results state that Nathan Law, a 23 year old kid, is gonna be their new leader, and he is, supposedly, gonna do an amazing job with all of his support. Even out of all my bitterness and apathy, I'm actually really excited for him. Maybe this will give Baby Boomers the idea that not all Millennials are incompetent and are actually capable of great things. Don't mess this up Nathan, and try not to get killed by the Chinese government.
4.) Hospitalized King Bhumibol of Thailand improves
Well boy howdy, looks like we got a sick king up in this place. I guess this king-dude who's the world’s longest serving monarch (take a seat, Queen Elizabeth II) got a lil’ sick and had some breathing issues. This is one of his several recent trips to the hospital in the past few months. He's also spent most of the past 5 years of his reign in the hospital, which explains why Thailand is in such great condition right now… Hey, kings can't last forever. Just ask the king of Purple Reign himself, Prince! Oh wait…
Anyway, I'm glad he feels better, unless he's a crappy king, in which case maybe not. Just remember kids, death is inevitable, and it only takes three generations for us to be forgotten. Hurray!
5.) Turkey says ISIS cleared from Turkish-Syrian border.
Wonderful news! To be honest, ISIS is getting on my last nerve. I know that makes me sound like a stupid suburban mom complaining on Facebook, but I do believe that stopping them is extremely important. Hopefully this defeat with lead to more setbacks for ISIS since the article states that not being in Turkey takes away from their supplies and means they are getting weaker. The only thing bad about ISIS being stopped is that we are getting closer to no longer having funny ISIS memes to laugh about, but I guess in the grand scheme of things that doesn't really matter. Oh well, good luck to everyone on the front lines and try to like, not die.
Anyways, thanks for getting all the way through this sad excuse for an article. I hope you enjoyed my exhausted ranting and appreciated my “hard work” and “dedication." (As a side note, I do encourage everyone to read these articles. They're very well written and it's important to stay up-to-date on world events.) Thanks!
