Performing has always been a passion of mine, one of many actually, but along with performing comes this overwhelming fear. Not the fear of falling off the stage, or of forgetting the words, or even forgetting my pants. It's the basic fear that I'm going to fail. It doesn't matter how I'm going to do it specifically, it's just the idea that freaks me out.

Going into college it becomes less about taking the "fun" classes and more about taking the classes that go with your major. Being a Psychology major, I'm not supposed to take many classes like vocal performance, but I do it anyways. I do it because it keeps me sane. There's something about being able to focus on the way the notes move up and down on a page and then making those sounds that has it's own healing qualities.

But then, that darn anxiety comes into play when I hear the professor say "our performances this year are..."

Our performances... OUR PERFORMANCES? And they're... part of my grade? Well, there's no way out of it now. My decision was either to drop the course and lose my sanity for the semester but avoid performing, OR keep the course, and my sanity, and just deal with the performance issues when they came up. By the time it was all said and done, option two sounded a whole lot better.

However, the idea of me drenched in sweat on a stage with bright lights and a bunch of people staring at me isn't even remotely fun. February 28th rolls around, and by this time I've been sick twice in one semester. Twice. One time I had strep throat, which is also never fun. So, this lead me to believe that my stress and anxiety over performing weakened my immune system. Seemed normal at first.

Then I get on stage. It's 8 p.m and I've been sitting in the same clothes since 5 p.m. I walk on stage, somehow keeping from tripping, and I face the audience. Four high schools and all of our families are in the seats. I can see my mom really close to the front and that tends to calm me down the most, but this time, not so much. I can feel my heart beating in my chest like it's about to jump out. The pianist starts playing our first song and once the first word leaves my lips it all just fades away. I go from Niagara Falls to.. a box of feathers (which can't really be compared, but I felt lighter than air). I didn't miss a word, I was on beat and on pitch (most of the time), and I had fun.

Is it possible that not only does singing calm me during tests and other extremely stressful times, but also when I'm performing? It's a little weird to think about, but it's also nice. I can freak out as much as I want before, but the moment I hit the first note on stage, I own it.

Sometimes, It's hard to figure out what works for you in regards to anxiety and coping. I've found that even though the things I love could cause anxiety, they're still the things I love and I love them for a reason, so why not keep doing them? Never let something like anxiety hinder you, you'll miss out on some of life's greatest experiences, like performing for 200 people you don't know.