I hate you, a lot. I am writing you this letter because we need to talk about this toxic relationship we have. I don't think it is working out at all. So, I believe it is time that we take a break.
I know what you are doing to me. I know you think I don’t know, but I do. You think that I don’t realize your impact every single decision I’ve ever made, or that you are the reason I have not taken many of the opportunities life has offered me. You are the reason for my irrational fear of the unknown. You are the reason I suck at relationships. You are the reason I have trust issues. You make me so unhappy and make you think it is my fault. You suck the life out of me every single day. And you know what, I’m done.
I am done letting you steer me into bad situations. I am done letting that fear get in my way. I am in charge of my own happiness now, and you will no longer make me miserable. I am taking my life back and there isn’t a thing you can do about it. So, sit back, shut up, and watch me go.
You do not own me. All you are and all you will ever be is one hurdle that I have to work on-- that is it. I am going to live my life without fear. I am going to take more chances, some of them might not work out, but I do not care. I am going to fail, and I am going to flourish. I am going to travel. I will meet people, and not be terrified to connect with them. I will make more friends, so many friends. I will work on myself, make myself into the kind of person that I admire: strong, independent, and happy. And guess what, you will not be part of that equation any more.
However, there is something I need to thank you for. Thank you for making me realize how important my mind is to me. You made me realize that is okay to take a break, to just stop and breathe. My health and my well being is more important than a job, assignment, and toxic friendship. Having to deal with you day in and day out has given me perspective. I will no longer take for granted how nice it feels to take care of myself, to do what is right for me and my body; I guess you can say that is the only good thing you have ever, ever done for me.
I cannot get rid of you, you will always be there. But what I can do is learn to tolerate and live with you. You will never hold me back ever again. I hope you enjoy the bench, because you are completely out of the game now. Feels weird, huh? To be the one that sits on the sidelines and watches someone live their life for them. Welcome to my world, take a seat and stay a while.
Fondly, but not really,
Girl Is Who Is Fighting Back