Do you lie awake at 2:37 a.m. and your heart is beating really fast for no reason? Do you get extremely nervous walking into a room even when you have every right to be there? Do you constantly rethink your decisions and second guess yourself while also forgetting a ton of things you need to do? Well, do I have some news for you!
Anxiety is not fun to handle, but many of us have it. Lying awake and thinking about everything and nothing is a constant issue I have. I truly have no idea when it started but I know that when it comes, it stays. Having anxiety can mean continuously questioning yourself, your thoughts, and your choices. It is an ever-present little monster that lingers in you even when you do everything you can to force it away.
I used to think that I had to hide my anxiety from those I cared about because I didn't want them to know how much I was suffering. If I was weak, they perceived me as weak. But if I kept all of my emotions and worries inside, I could project that I was OK. I held this mentality for so long because it worked, I had no reason to change. Until the panic attacks started. It is sometimes hard to tell when they are going to come, but oh boy, they come.
Anxiety is like a cat. You can ignore the cat all you want, but it comes to you wanting things.
Making you think about how to take care of it, how to feed it, how to nurture it, how to do everything for it because it does nothing for itself. Sure you can get rid of the cat super easy, but come on, you got the cat in the first place, it is not your responsibility. No turning back now. Most of the time, the cat will turn away from you and do its own thing without bothering you. But when it does want something, the cat demands it. Demanding your attention and care but what do you do if you don't know how to care for it?
There are many remedies, therapies, medicines, and whatever else to help treat anxiety. But so many of these are expensive and time-consuming. Of course, the argument can be made that if you really want to get better, you will spend time and energy helping yourself. However, it can still be difficult to make yourself do it in the first place.
Plus, anxiety can come in many different forms and can be easily managed by some people. It can be a drop in your stomach when you walk into a crowd or breaking out in a sweat when going to the grocery store. Managing your anxiety can be a simple as taking a few long breaths and steeling yourself for what is to come. But it is still so hard most of the time. One thing that I have to keep reminding myself of is that I am not alone in my struggles. There are people just like me and isolating myself will only make me feel worse than I already am.
Anxiety is hard work. Keep going. Be strong. You can do this. And I am so proud of you.
