I Would Take A Week Of Being Anxiety-Free Over Winning The Lottery

I Would Take A Week Of Being Anxiety-Free Over Winning The Lottery

If I had one magic wish, it would be for my anxiety to disappear.


The one gift I want most in the world is not a sack filled with money or having my dream house, or being famous. Nope. What I want is much, much simpler than that- I want to be anxiety-free. To be rid of the burden of having a mental illness because as much as I put up a fight, it still gets the best of me. Even though my anxiety will never leave me, I would take having a week of no anxiety over winning the lottery any day.

What would I my week entail?

My first day would be dedicated to my boyfriend and my best friends. During the day I would do the little things that I struggle to do every day. We would sit down in a restaurant for lunch instead of taking the food to go. We would walk around the mall for a few hours and get a pretzel from Auntie Annie's, and I wouldn't run out hyperventilating because I started having a panic attack. Then we would drive to the beach and watch the sunset and have a small picnic with some 7/11 snacks because the beach is my favorite place in the world and it would be pure bliss. After I would meet up with my friends for dinner and I would sit down for the meal again because my anxiety is not blocking me from enjoying my life. We would go for a long drive and maybe road-trip somewhere to spend the night and I wouldn't be scared of leaving my house for the night

The next day we would wake up and have brunch with mimosas and talk about everything and I would be able to drink because I know it will not interfere with my anxiety medication. We spend the day shopping and getting our nails done, maybe even change my hair color because why not. Then late in the afternoon, we head back home where I'm having a farewell party with all my friends, family friends, and family that I have in America. All the people I love are there and I spend the night in good company and eat even better food.

The third morning is an early one, filled with packing and checking, and rechecking checklists for our flight. My parents, my boyfriend, and I are off to go to Poland to see the rest of my family which I haven't seen in years. This time, I'm not scared of flying, I am not throwing up, I am not having a panic attack when there is turbulence, and most importantly, I am not trying to escape the plane when it's on the runway. I sit calmly in my window seat, munching on mini m&ms; reading the latest issue of People magazine which I picked up at the gate kiosk, and condensation is running down my chilled Fiji water. The only problem I have is that my tray is open during take-off.

After seeing my family pick me up from the airport and dealing with unpacking and jet lag, I sleep in. When I wake up I forget what it's like to be greeted by feelings of panic. I enjoy breakfast with my parents and boyfriend, and like clockwork, my family picks me up to do some sightseeing. On the way to the city, we stop by the cemetery to see my grandpa and grandma; we fix their flowers and light some candles. We say our goodbyes and continue down the high way until we're in the center of Warsaw.

I show my boyfriend all the really touristy spots and get Nutella-topped waffles in the old square, and go to the top of the tallest building. I'm not afraid of heights and I look down trying to find my parents - of course, they're waving to us. After we get down, my family takes us to the best pierogi place and we eat until we want to explode. Even though we are full, we still walk around the new part of Warsaw looking for some gelato. On our way back home, my mom points to the house she grew up in and her old high school. Back at the apartment while my aunt and mom make supper and tea, I show my boyfriend photo albums of my family and pictures of me when I was younger. Everyone is laughing and new memories are being made.

I woke up to my aunt and uncle having breakfast in my room, today we were going to take a road trip to the countryside. I gather some things in a bag, eat a bowl of cereal, and grab some snacks for the road. My parents decided to stay back today and pack because tomorrow we were going to see my dad's family in southern Poland by Krackow. Less than two hours pass by, and we've reached the countryside and I haven't asked anyone to pull over because I was having an anxiety attack. It is nothing but farmland for miles. My boyfriend and I go to the garden to harvest some of the fruits and vegetables that have grown since the last time someone stopped by. My aunt and I begin preparing dinner and when everything is cooking, my boyfriend and I go outside to play badminton until the food is ready. I'm all smiles. After dinner is over, my family takes my boyfriend mushroom picking- he's never been. We return late at night, with mushrooms seemingly pouring out of the car.

Morning comes and we board the train to Krackow. It looks exactly like the Harry Potter train and we have our own cabin room. My dad's family picks us up from the train station and takes us home in the mountains. I forgot that my ears always pop and bleed at high altitudes so I'm stuck pretty much with cotton balls in my ears for the remainder of the day. My aunt has a whole feast prepared for us and I get to play with my cousin's kids. They grew up so fast and I missed so much of it because I haven't been back. After dinner and some heated politics, we drive to the mountains and we watch people go paragliding. Something within me clicks, I say I will be right back and that I'm just going to the bathroom. I check out the paragliding shop in the lodge and sign up to go paragliding with a professional. The next time everyone sees me is with all my gear on, ready to run down the side of the mountain, catch some air, and soar up. I am free.

It's my final morning, and I wish I could sleep in later but it's okay because I know I can nap on the train. My aunt slips me a Tupperware of leftover pierogi and some candy bars, winking, saying she knows I'll be hungry on the train. When we arrive back in Warsaw, all of my family is waiting at my grandma's house, waiting to see us off. We have so much leftover food that it's all packed up for our plane ride home. I make sure to hug and kiss everyone goodbye, and tears coat my eyes because I do not know when the next time I will be seeing them is.

It's not just anxiety. It's not just in my head. My body becomes physically sick when I do anything remotely anxiety-inducing. Pushing myself to overcome my anxiety causes my body to shut down and all the progress that I've made to be wiped out and I begin to regress. Do I hate it? Yes. Do I wish I didn't have it? Every day. But I do remember the days I didn't have it and I am hopeful that in spite of it, I will be able to live a life I enjoy even if it is an unconventional one. The one gift I want most in the world is not a sack filled with money or having my dream house, or being famous. Nope. What I want is much, much simpler than that- I want to be anxiety-free. To be rid of the burden of having a mental illness because as much as I put up a fight, it still gets the best of me. Even though my anxiety will never leave me, I would take having a week of no anxiety over winning the lottery any day.

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This Is Why Teenage Girls Are Especially Susceptible To Depression

No, they are not just being "dramatic"


Studies today show that one-third of teenage girls today will suffer from depression. Scientists still are not 100% sure why this may be, but a lot of reasons can vary from simple hormones or even the way they are socialized in society.

Teenagers in general are more susceptible to depression than most people. This is because teenagers' brains are not yet fully developed, so if any bad thing happens then it literally seems like the end of the world to them (This also is a big contributor to teen suicide). So already being a teenager puts one at odds for depression, but why more so if one is a female?

A lot of the time, girls are socialized to feel more pressure to be perfect in unrealistic ways than boys are because of the way our society portrays what a "perfect woman" should be. These standards placed by society are usually unattainable.

Luckily, there are many campaigns that show us that there is no "perfect girl" and we all are beautiful just by being healthy and happy individuals. So even though we are headed in the right direction as a society, it does not stop many girls from feeling the pressure of meeting the impossible goal of perfection that is still put out there.

Hormones and the simple biology of things can also prove to be a reason why girls can easily fall into depression. Not only are their brains not fully developed, but young girls can be much more sensitive to distress than others.

So not only does everything feel like the end of the world if one is going through a hard time, but it is more likely for girls to be more easily triggered than boys putting them at higher risk. It also does not help when teenage girls are constantly deemed as "dramatic" and "overly emotional."

Our society has recently put a huge emphasis on mental health because of the devastating numbers associated with teenage suicide. Luckily, we have science to prove that teenagers and depression is very real and since have taken measures to help all people with depression and prevent those who suffer from feeling like they have no other option.

The absolute best thing that one can do who is feeling depressed is talk about it. This is something one probably hears a lot and sounds very cliche, but don't forget that we live in a time where we can talk about our mental struggles and no one will think you are crazy like they used to. And above all else, YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN.

We are privileged to have so many resources that can help us when we are suffering. Just remember that you are loved and there is always someone who is willing to help you get through any struggles you may be facing.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255Available 24 hours every day

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6 Ways People With Major Depressive Disorder Live Life Differently

The trauma I experienced in my early teens has prevented me from having close relationships with new people. I want to be friendly and outgoing but sometimes it seems damn near impossible.


Being told at the tender age of 14 that you have major depressive disorder is not how you want to start your freshman year of high school. I've missed some of which was supposed to be the best years of my life. I have written and probably deleted this article at least seven different times due to the fear of judgment. There are no words I can put into this article on how to describe the daily struggle myself, and a majority of people struggle with major depressive disorder have to deal with. How do you explain to strangers, the reason I'm being standoffish is that I automatically think you're judging me. "What could possibly be wrong in your life?" is a common phrase I'm tired of hearing. People who haven't struggled will never understand.

It's time to educate the "normal" people on this topic and why it doesn't define us as people.

1. Wanting to be social, but you just can't

The trauma I experienced in my early teens has prevented me from having close relationships with new people. I want to be friendly and outgoing but sometimes it seems damn near impossible. I'm not intentionally trying to be a bitch, but that's just how it comes across when I am feeling shy. If you feel as is if I'm being standoffish, don't assume, just ask and I'll explain.

2. Freaking out over situations that haven't happened yet

In my friend group, I am notorious for this. If someone close to you is experiencing this, instead of telling them to relax, explain to them it's all in their head and hasn't even happened yet.

3. Missing out on sleep

I normally only get around three and a half hours of sleep at the most during the night, which is why I'm always so tired during the day and sometimes a little grouchy. So when you tell me I look rough, I'm well aware. When you tell me I'm moody, I'm most likely groggy and just not caring about the day anymore at that point.

4. Having a bigger heart then most

Being in this state of mind, I will always be sympathetic with others feelings. I am normally a friend who can relate to just about any situation. I will never judge anyone when they confide in me.

5. Not always being in that state of mind

This is the biggest missed conception of being depressed. I have my moments, days, or even weeks but this doesn't mean my whole life is a depressive episode. I do have really great days.

6. Feeling harder for other people's emotions

I've only been in two relationships in the last four years, which made me feel very good and then very bad. Even in friendships, I tend to be more charismatic. I never want someone to feel underloved. When someone else is feeling an emotion, I will feel it with them. This can be a great thing in friendships, or it can affect me negatively depending on the emotion being felt.

* * *

These are all just qualities that come with this disorder, but not one single one of them define me as a person. Next time someone close to you has one of these symptoms, stop making them feel like it's their fault. Try to understand them better. Always check up on your friends and family.

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