Content warning: Article discusses anxiety.
Anxiety, for me, is not being able to breathe at random times. Your chest caving in and not able to do anything about it.
It's gasping for air at because you feel like the world is spinning — like you're losing control.
It's constantly thinking everyone around you hates you and knows the thing you did wrong 10 years ago. Believing that they're talking about you behind your back, so you refuse to stand up until they've left the room.
It's biting your nails and the skin around it to feel the pain so you know you're still alive.
It's staying up all night, yet sleeping all day because you're so depressed. It's having thoughts that can scare even the biggest horror fans.
It's wanting to be "normal," so you go out and pretend you don't have it. That you're not crazy.
But, you can only handle so much before it hits you 10 times harder. It's watching your phone, hoping for a friend to text you first.
Because in your mind, that friend secretly hates you and wants nothing to do with you. It's loosing out on the best times of your life because you physically can't pick up the phone first.
It's not wanting to be in any type of relationship out of fear that the person will discover that you're not "strong" enough. The fear eats you up inside.
You don't want them to realize how imperfect you are.
So you push them away until they leave you alone. Once they do, it's the gnawing feeling of this becoming your life.
It's wanting the feeling to be gone. To wake up one day and not want to curl back into bed because dealing with reality...is too much.