Dear Anxiety
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Dear Anxiety

I'm taking my life back.

23
Dear Anxiety
google images

I never asked for you and you haven't gotten the hint that you're not wanted so now I'm making it clear. Showing up unannounced you stop me in my tracks and swallow me up for the day. Even when you're gone I can't shake your lingering presence because I'm too afraid you'll decide to do an encore. Well now I'm cancelling your show.

At first I didn't know who you were. Maybe because of this I had a hand in letting you but you've overstayed your welcome and it's time for you to go.

I'm tired of you. You're physically and mentally exhausting to put up with. Because of you I feel like I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in ages. You keep me up till the dead hours overthinking about everything that's irrelevant in my life and feeling zombie-fied the morning after. I've had enough of the constant replay of different scenarios, most unrealistic that somehow make their way to realistic after the umpteenth time.

I find you like to make guest appearance when I'm in public but you're main act is when I'm alone. You show up and I lose all sense of productivity. The list of things I wanted to get done are thrown aside when I hit the grown crying because I can't catch my breath. While I listen to my heart echoing in my ears because it's trying to escape my chest and my hands shaking, I can't manage to do anything but form my body into a ball for the rest of the night.

I'm over suddenly not being able to breathe. I'm over feeling like I'm losing control. I'm over feeling like I'm drowning. All in all, I'm over you. I avoid so many situations because I know you'll be there waiting for me and it's not fair. I want to live my life without you there reminding me that there's so many things that are overwhelmingly wrong that I can't enjoy the little happy moments. You whisper in my ear "how can you be happy? How can you enjoy yourself when you have so many other things pending in air, so many other things that aren't good in your life right now?" And now I'm going to shut your voice up.

I may have let you in but I now have the power to close you out. You have had control over me for way to long. Dictating everything I do, I have been a slave to you and now I'm taking the chains off. I know I'll never be able to get rid of you completely, apart of you will always linger inside but I'm no longer going to be defined by you. I'm no longer to determine whether I want to do something or go somewhere based off of you. You'll still have a voice but you're going from speakerphone to mute.

No longer yours,

Sabrina

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