Today is my last day before I leave for my second year of college. This past week has been a whirlwind of saying goodbye to friends, spending time with my family, and trying to pack and otherwise prepare for college. And this past week I was reminded of this time last summer, when I was preparing to leave for the first time. In many ways it is different, but in many ways it’s the same. I know what to expect now, and I am sure of the friends that I have made in Massachusetts. However, I am still trying to say goodbye, and for a considerable amount of time. And I still don’t know quite where college is taking me.
In high school, I had a small group of friends with whom I was very close. Several people told me that the friends I would make in college would be even closer relationships than those I was leaving behind, but I didn’t believe them. This time last year, I was devastated at the thought of leaving my dear friends, and thought that I would simply focus on my school work until I could come back and see them. I wasn’t expecting to make friends in college; I told myself that I had as many friends as I needed.
This year, I am looking forward to seeing all of the wonderful people I have been lucky enough to meet at college. Before I left the first time, a dear friend told me that the friends I made in high school would all care about important things, but the friends I made in college would care about the same important things I cared about. I didn’t believe her at the time, but this has proven to be the case. Though not all of my closest friends share my major, I still find that I have more in common with them than I did with my high school friends, that I am able to communicate with them more easily. I am not saying they are better friends, but that they are different, and perhaps better for this time in my life.
Before I went to college last year I was afraid. I wouldn’t have admitted it, but I was afraid that I would lose the people I had become close with, that they would move on and I wouldn’t. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough at piano, that I would struggle with my studies, that I wouldn’t find my place. I was worried about finding a church, about flying back and forth, about taking care of myself with my family over a thousand miles away.
This year, though I am still not quite sure what the year holds for me, and though I am a bit worried about the amount of classes I’m taking, I know that I can take care of myself. I know that I can juggle homework and classes and piano and friends, and that if I can’t, I will know what to drop, or how to wait it out until it gets better. I have found a church. I have found friends closer than family. I have found my place.
This summer was a little bit like stepping back into my childhood. I find myself remembering all the things I did in high school, and all the people I did them with. However, the thought of leaving all of it behind no longer makes me sad. I am not sure that I am braver, or that I have more trust in God or in myself, but I know that this year will be easier and harder than I think it will be, and that moving on is not a bad thing, and that no matter what happens, all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
