I'm not sure I would have made it through today, had it not have been for a very busy and eventful work day. I cannot remember ever feeling this scared and unsure as an adult. It also just so happens like I'm still new to this whole "real" adult thing. Eight years ago, I was too ashamed to vote the way I wanted to. I was worried about what other people would think if they knew I wanted to vote for "the other party." The fact that I secretly was drawn to an entirely different message was absurd, or so I thought eight years ago. And, after cowering to peer pressure and what I'm going to call the "young and dumb syndrome," I cast my first ballot for President for a man I found to be atrocious.

2012 was a considerably different picture for me. I was confident in the things I believed. I was clear on the messages I backed and supported. I was willing to have the hard conversations and be taunted and condemned, if necessary. I had no problems firing back at the other side that, only a few short years prior, was the party with which I found myself aligned. I wasn't scared to step away and, in fact, I found myself running away when it was all said and done.

And, especially today, January 20, 2017, I'm filled with so much gratitude for the loss of the person for whom I voted back in the 2008 election. Today, I said goodbye to the very man that I did not have the guts to vote for eight years ago. I said goodbye to the grace, dignity and honest representation of a man and family who have done just beautiful justice to the American people. And I realized a couple of things, now, as I sit here writing this out and allowing the mental barrier to lower and the vulnerable keys fill the screen with words that are almost too tender to type.

I had a single moment, today, that I allowed myself even a second in time to show any emotion - and it was the very first moment I saw several news updates on Obama leaving the White House for the last time. And in writing this now, it all actually kind of hits me. Something I think a lot of people have just put off in their head and pushed it way, deep down in the hopes that it would, eventually, make it disappear. Like, some magic "Just Kidding, He Didn't Really Win" Fairy was just going to pop up and blow all of our minds (again).

If such a fairy exists, you blew it. You had one job and you blew it.

Over the last eight years, the Obama administration has done some pretty incredible things and I couldn't even do justice to them all if I tried to put them all in this article. But as a very open and very proud member of the LGBT community, I found myself in, yet, more uncharted territory. See, eight years ago when Obama took office, I wasn't worried about things like taxes and insurance and equal rights. I was a horribly closeted and closed minded jerk. I kept my nose down and just tried my damnedest to accept the status quo. Now, as a real adult, I need to think about premiums and deductibles. I have to be aware of loan interest rates and credit scores. And I choose to be aware of the fact that too many people in this country are attacked for being different; for being too dark, or too flamboyant, or too foreign. I know too many people who have been discriminated against for being a "troublemaker" - when really, the racist old hag was too emboldened to admit it was because of skin color.

And after watching the videos of our now 45th President being sworn in, my heart crumbles. I am overcome with sadness. The weeks since the election have further proved this man's incompetence, ignorance and immaturity. His Cabinet selections are slated for doom, his people incite violence and then chant his name and his view of the entire world is through the only lens he sees: one where he is praised and adored.

And that is just not going to cut it for us. This is our revolution, the fight of our lifetime. And the Women's marches that took place around the world the day after our new President was sworn in is a reminder of that. We have the capacity to stand and fight back - and we must. We cannot waiver, we cannot grow quiet or timid. We have to be assertive and organized, while maintaining our dignity and message. We cannot be compromised and make no mistake, this administration will do everything in it's power to divide us, to rip us apart and to play on our differences. This is a tactic to do nothing but make us easier to control. Divided, we are weaker and much easier to handle, but, together, we are a force to be reckoned with. We can't forget that. We can't grow quiet or timid, we can't retreat. We have to push forward.

January 20, 2017 was another day that will live in infamy. But so was January 21, 2017. And, I feel sure, so will many more days to come.