Everyone says that it gets better, as though this plummet into the deep abyss of depression is all of the sudden going to switch its course and become a parade with candy being thrown and everything. That is complete and utter crap. If you want things to get better, you’ve got to make it better, and if you ask me, it ain’t gonna happen. I’ve been trying to claw my way out of this pit for years now, but I just cannot seem to get a good grip. Don’t tell me that I’m just not trying hard enough, cause trust me, I am. It just does not get any better. It was always the same old, same old every single day: sadness, depression, the whole works. Then that stupid ass jerk arrived and my life all of the sudden changed, though I am not sure if it changed for the better or the worse.
High school is one of the most effective, and still legal, forms of torture in America. I have always been an outcast--not that I would ever want to be a part of all of those stupid cliques anyway. It’s much better just being on my own. I don’t have to deal with all of that stupid drama that comes with having friends. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of acquaintances and people that I can talk to, but no super close friends who I whisper all of my secrets to. It’s whatever though. I mean, I don’t really care. It only really bothers me when we are assigned group projects and I have to try and deal with….people. I know, awful, right? Today was one of those days. We were forced to do the unspeakable and select a lab partner for Chemistry. I was hoping to be the only person left so I could just work by myself, but then, of course, just my luck, he walked in: Roy Nackerl, my childhood crush who moved away in the fourth grade.
He was one of the smartest kids I knew, but towards the end of fourth grade he turned into a bad boy and ended up getting suspended after he pulled the fire alarm… for the seventh time in five days. His parents were pissed about it and swore up and down that it wasn’t their son who did it and ended up taking him to a different school out of fury.
Why him, of all people? I mean why in the world is he here, and why, oh why, is he sitting next to me? Oh yeah, that’s right, I had made sure to be the last person to partner up, so low and behold, I am the last available person for mister tardy to partner up with. Now, don’t get me wrong, by now my fourth grade self would have died and gone to heaven, but senior me was not thrilled. How in the world am I supposed to stay invisible with Roy--who is obviously one of the most attractive boys in school--partnered up with me? Everybody is staring at us, or rather him, to be more exact, but I’m next to him, which makes me stick out by association.
This is it. This is the end of my lack of a social life. As my mind races with a million differentways to express the end of my solitude, I hear words coming from the mouth of the beast. “Hey, Lexi.”
