Dear First Love,
It’s been awhile. Just about four years. There are days even now where you consume my thoughts. Yet I also go months on end without a brief thought of you. I think it's safe to say that you made an impact on my life. Left a mark. I hate to admit that you were such an important aspect of my life. But it’s true. You taught me some very valuable life lessons, for which I’d like to thank you.
Thank you for loving me. For being the first person to love me in a romantic way. Thank you being my best friend and confidant, while also being my boyfriend. Thank you for, at times, making me feel like the most beautiful girl on earth. Thank you for helping me through some tough times. Thank you for letting me think that you were the love of my life, and then being a monumental disappointment.
Thank you for belittling me, so I know to never let a guy put me down. Thank you for criticizing me, so that I’ve learned to love my imperfections. Thank you for making me cry not only at junior prom, but also at senior prom, as well as almost everyday senior year. Someone who truly loves you won't make you cry. Thank you for being my first, letting me believe that I was your first, and later telling me that it was a lie. I’ve learned what good sex actually is. Thank you for cheating on me, I’ve learned that real men don’t stoop to that level.
Thank you for all the cruel things you said to me after we broke up. You taught me to forgive those who don’t deserve forgiveness. I’ve learned to not let my anger consume me. It’s taken me some time, but I’ve learned that hating you will get me nowhere in life. From you I’ve learned what to stay away from in a guy. And I’ve learned to seek out someone who will truly love me for me. Thank you for loving me in the most selfish manner possible. I've learned that love is patient, love is kind, but most of all love is selfless.
But thank you most of all for breaking my heart. Correction, thank you for shattering my heart. Into a million pieces. I was able to survive such a heart break. Sure, it may have taken me awhile. I was a mess for a bit. But through this, I learned how strong I am. If I was able to pick myself up after having some I loved with all my heart lie to me, humiliate me, crush me, dehumanize me, then I could get through anything.
I am not the girl you used to know. I am stronger know, less innocent. That gentle naive quality about me that you liked so much is gone. In her place stands a woman who has a harsh exterior, piercing gaze, and sharp tongue. I am no longer someone who can be walked all over. I am no longer someone who can be manipulated by you.
Despite everything, you weren’t completely bad guy. We were just two young kids with too much going on. We fell for each other hard with not enough world experience. You’ll always hold a place in my heart because at one time, I truly did love you.
Love,
Amy
