This has been something that's been weighing on me for years, guys. Saying anything from this list doesn't excuse your bad behavior. In my opinion, it makes it WAY WORSE because you're likely not being nice and you think that you can get away with it. I think people use these phrases because they're scared to stand up to people and scared to hurt people's feelings.
In the age of the everyone-go-around-the-room-and-say-something-nice-about-everyone-here game and participation trophies, people use these phrases to tip-toe around what they're really trying to say. Whatever happened to good old fashioned offending? I'm about to rant so if you don't want to feel like I'm roasting you if you've said these things before, get off this page now (see how direct I'm being cause I'm not afraid of conflict or hurting your feelings a tiny bit?). If you also really don't like it when people say these things, join my team and help me bring justice to the masses by eradicating these phrases from modern-day vernacular!
1. "Not to be a b*tch"
I just rolled my eyes 17 times. I actually bet that what you're about to say might be the bitchiest thing I've ever heard. As Lizzo would say, you're actually "100% that b*tch." You can't even say this phrase in a non-b*tchy tone. I had someone say this to me and then they were a total b*tch and then I almost cried but wasn't expecting to because they had falsely claimed to me that they weren't going to be a b*tch. If I had known they were indeed going to be a b*tch, I would have been more prepared for the beatdown.
2. "Honestly..."
People overuse this so so much. And honestly, (oh, whoops). And I'll admit I do it too. By saying "honestly" all the time, you imply that unless you say it then you're not being honest. This one isn't as bad as "no offense," and I'm not saying we should eliminate it completely, but using it less would be ideal.
3. "Obviously..."
This one is kind of stupid. When you think about it, if it was sooooo obvious you wouldn't need to even be talking about it. For example, if a guy says "do you like me?" and you reply "well obviously I do!" that is ridiculous. Obviously it wasn't obvious to him! Similarly to" honestly", this is overused largely by our generation. The Kardashians could be responsible, but fingers also point to Paris Hilton and anyone on "The Hills". Obviously I don't know who to blame.
4. "Not to be mean"
OK, this one is sort of understandable because I get that sometimes we say things that we don't mean to be mean. Maybe say it and then say "I didn't mean that in a mean way." Also does anyone even say mean anymore? I can't remember the last time I used the word "mean" other than writing this right now.
5. "Not to be annoying"
You're BEING annoying just by saying this. Why do you care so much about not being annoying? We are all at least a little annoying sometimes. It's okay: move on, work on it and try harder not to ask a question that someone just said the answer to five seconds ago ever again!
6. "Don't take this the wrong way"
I will absolutely take it the wrong way. If you're about to say something that someone could take the wrong way, that should be a clue to not say it. Anything that is about to come out of your mouth should probably stay in its happy and cozy home of your brain as an inside thought.
7. "No offense"
This is the number one phrase on this list people use and I can 99.9% guarantee that what you're about to say WILL be offensive. And people think that by saying "no offense" first they can say whatever they please. "No offense but you're fat and ugly and I hate you." That my friend, is offensive! You don't just get to say it and get a free pass because you said "no offense." To me, this is like me saying "not to rear-end you" and then ramming my car directly into the back of yours at full speed. That wouldn't be okay now, would it? It's like saying "not to embarrass our family at the wedding" and proceeding to hit the open bar like Ke$ha would have circa 2008. Also not okay. It's like saying "not to punch you in the face," and then winding up and slamming someone with an uppercut. You get the picture, we must stop doing this.
In closing,
Honestly, writing this has been fun and not to be a b*tch but if you didn't like this article, you suck. Obviously it's one of the best things you've ever read, no offense. Not to be mean, but it'll be the best thing you read all week. Don't take this the wrong way, but you really need to read more things like this. Not to be annoying, but did you like reading this??
I. Rest. My. Case.
