As my first year of marriage comes to a close and my anniversary approaches, I’ve had time to reflect on the past 12 months. I remember the day my husband and I decided to get married like it was yesterday. I was moving back home from college due to illness, and I was leaving him behind. We were sitting at the kitchen table of my parent’s home days before he had to return from winter break. Both reluctant to leave the other, I mindlessly blurted out,
“Well... why don’t we just get married?”
I anticipated his laugh in my face, but he didn’t. He pondered for a few moments and finally said,
“You know, I’m not totally opposed to that.”
Two months later, I had a sparkling ring on my hand. Four months after that, we said our “I do’s” and our lives would forever be changed.
It was no secret my husband and I became man and wife in a hurry. Many thought it was because I was pregnant, others thought I was making the biggest mistake of my entire life.
I’m going to be completely honest; marriage is hard. Being married to someone you met less than a year prior is even harder.
We were forced to very quickly learn to live with one another’s quirks. I learned how much I despise the cap being left off the tube of toothpaste, he learned how much he despises eight-hour marathons of "Grey's Anatomy." And the money; oh, the money. The term “broke college student” doubles. We were two broke college students fumbling around trying to figure out adulthood on a used couch and a stove that had tendencies of spontaneously catching on fire.
Allow me to advise you now: if you’re thinking of tying the knot some time soon and you think you’re getting married for yourself because you think it’ll make you happy, do not get married.
You get married not for yourself, but for the person you are marrying. I know what you are thinking: Of course I’m getting married for him/her! I am the best thing that ever happened to my significant other. I mean, have you SEEN his/her ex?
I thought that too, but it is completely different. You are literally marrying another human being to be their source of support, happiness, frustration and so much more! It can be really draining at times. When he has a lousy day at work, you have to be there to listen to it, and you have to deal with his cranky mood for as long as it takes. When he eats your red velvet cheesecake leftovers you’ve been waiting for all day, you’ll feel guilty about yelling the second you see his face fall. Even if you did shell out almost $9 for a glorified slice of cream cheese.
If you have never lived in your own place before, I assure you, reality is going to come up and slap you so hard your head will spin.
When you’re suddenly hit with rent, power, cell phones, car payments, insurance and don’t forget groceries, you will have no money left for yourself. Try not to get too flustered when she asks you for a $50 pair of shoes; they’re probably really cute! Until you both get on a good budgeting method, life will feel semi-miserable and living in the camper in your parents' backyard will sound like a little slice of debt-free heaven. As a former big spender, I've learned the art of wisely budgeting and scheduling payments so we don't drown in late fees. We hope to upgrade from our little townhouse apartment to buying an actual grown-up house soon.
With all the difficulties and struggles, there is a great comfort in knowing there is someone by your side at all times. It’s almost as if you have your very own personal cheerleader rooting for you constantly. Your spouse is there to celebrate with you at your highest, and there to pick you back up when you are at your lowest. And falling asleep next to the person who finds you just as attractive as you find them is pretty cool, too.
If I said the first year of marriage was a breeze, I’d be flat out lying. Marriage poses new challenges every day. But marriage is also a beautiful experience at any age when there is mutual respect and love. I have personally learned boundless patience and to give as much love as I receive.
Getting married in your early 20s when you are both broke is a bad idea for anyone. For me, it was the best bad idea I’ve ever had, and if given the opportunity to go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing.
