If I could pick a phrase that always seems applicable to my performance, that would be it. And what a sad irony it has been.
Except not anymore.
Today I've made the decision: I'm tired of not following through with plans. I'm tired of constantly feeling like I'm in a rut. I'm tired of staying up or sleeping in too late, of becoming a social hermit when I've fallen behind, of drowning in all of the clutter on my desk, of feeling like I have to focus on only the most urgent priority each day.
Most of all, I'm tired of leaving Jesus hanging with, "Sorry I can't talk much... I'll see you in five days- after I'm done with these three papers and two tests!"
I need balance. I need discipline. So badly. Yet I feel I've never lived out these attributes for long enough to know what it's even like to have them.
If you relate to any of this, let me remind us both:
ALL OF THE THINGS.
This includes abandoning the lifestyles that hinder us from being the healthy, competent human beings that He created us to be, and adopting balance.
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
So what does it mean to do all things through Him?
It means grounding each day in heartfelt prayer.
It means being mindful of Luke 10:39-42...
It means beginning each morning with seeking rest in the unum necessarium, choosing to be Mary for fifteen minutes, simply sitting at His feet, reflecting on His Word, and offering that day's worth of challenging, overwhelming Martha-laundry-list of demands to Him, who strengthens you.
However, if you're anything like me- very thorough with prayer but poor with time management- it might take you much longer than fifteen minutes to consider all of the specific areas in which you desire growth through Him. So why not write and pray one that is relevant always- no matter where you are in life?
Below is a prayer that I wrote today with a promise- to Him and to myself- to make a steadfast commitment to pray each day. Feel free to pray it yourself, extract parts of it that resonate with you, or even write one of your own from scratch!
I invite you to listen to this beautiful Mindy Gledhill song as you read this new prayer...
Thank You for another beautiful morning, full of opportunities to grow in my union with You. Thank You for your willingness to use me for Your purpose. Thank You for all of the little glimpses of Your goodness that I will encounter today- I ask that I may recognize them and contribute to them, so that I may glorify You. Most of all, Lord, I thank You for the gift of Yourself through Your ever-abiding presence and love. I am sorry for all of the moments when I have taken this gift for granted, in my pursuit of more worldly concerns.
Father, I seek to love You and to know You even more today than I have ever before... I do not want the noise of this world to keep me from hearing the Word. So I give You permission to enlighten my mind, silencing it to whatever consumes it enough to be a hindrance to this journey. I give You permission to transform me even further as Your disciple, to help me become whatever is most pleasing to You. Finally, I give You my heart today; Sweet Heart of Jesus, be my love. Please love through me and guide me to serve others' needs. I strive today to love You with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to live- as St. Teresa of Calcutta would say- as a "pencil in Your hand as You write your love letters to the world." I want to be forgotten so that You may be remembered, so please grant me the humility to do so.
Jesus, I recognize that today will not be easy, but I thank You for all of the trials that I will face. I offer all of my struggles, willing You to triumph through them, just as You triumphed through Your cross. Please grant me the wisdom to learn from any failings and setbacks. I know that I may fall- for even You fell on Your way to calvary- but I am determined to get up when I have fallen without growing discouraged, just as You did.
Please help me, Holy Spirit, to focus on what I must do today. I ask that You be the foundation of all of my thoughts, words, and actions this day, and I offer up my labor for the building of Your Kingdom. Strengthen my will to do Your Holy will. I trust in You to lead me today along the path I must follow, even when the direction I am headed is unclear. I strive to cherish each present moment and Your presence in that moment, rather than trying to determine for myself where it may lead.
Finally, Lord, please grant me an awareness of where all the goodness in my life derives from. I want to see Your signature watermarking all of the stars in the sky- may I praise You, from whom all blessings flow. When in awe of Your gifts, I long to seek out the One who holds them in existence. I give my eros fully to You, O Beautiful One- may it be filled with Your Magnificence, may it grow in Your hands. I want You to keep it. Please give me whatever graces necessary to entrust it to You, and grant me the faith to trust that You are always near, even when any current circumstances and/or my feelings may make it seem otherwise.
I love You, God.