Hello to all of the users out there!
I am not going to be condescending or cynical, because that is not who I am. Instead, I will write the simple truth and if it comes across any unpleasant way: greetings! I warmly welcome you to the receiving end of your tactics and manipulation, to your petty tricks and ruses.
Chances are if you are considered a user, you have never been used yourself. Because had you been the victim of a user, I am certain you would never wish the feeling on your sworn enemy.
Being in any kind of relationship with a user is like pure bliss. You are the sole thing on their mind because they want you, no, they need you. They need something, they always need something. They will make sure you are the first person they confide in, because you see, they need to build trust. They need to break down your walls and wariness, they will make your barriers fall; you will fall hard. If the user is in the form of a friend, you will be inundated with text messages asking to hang out, sleepover, and for advice. In the form of a deeper relationship, their sentiments will be overly loving and will seem so incredibly genuine. In either case, you will wonder why it took your whole existence to find a person so invested in your well being. They will take better care of you than you do yourself, they will notice when little things seem off and will pick up on minute details that not even your family will notice. You will feel like the most important person.
These relationships can last a while, but you will have no control over the time-span. The users will. As long as you have something they need, you will be the closest to that person. However, the second you no longer have something he or she needs, they will drop you like it is nothing. It feels like a knife in your stomach being twisted multiple times. Your heart will be in your throat, and your knees weak. It will hurt; my God will it hurt.
The most debilitating part? They won't even notice you are no longer in their life. Do you know why? Because they knew from the beginning this was not going to last; it was a large illusion and you were the single person audience to their one man magic show. They never really got close to you, but you sure as hell got close to them. You gave them what they needed and now they are done. You will never see them vulnerable because they already have their next victim at the ready. Whether they are moving onto another group of friends, or a single friend who can offer them what you no longer can doesn't matter; it is terrible to think that you let the relationship go.
But here is your wake-up call; it was never your fault. You had no control over what they did. It took me a long time to realize that I did not need to feel guilty about cutting toxic people out of my life. I had to learn the power of saying no. It is a simple word and complete sentence, yet so hard to use.
You are probably unable to see the positivity in such a situation, and I completely understand. But, looking back on my own experiences, I realize how lucky I am to no longer have certain people in my life. I was being drained, put on the back burner, and then made the go to friend after the other options fell to the side. I still have ex-users who are trying to upset me, because they no longer have anything to take from me, and I am completely okay with that. I have the advantage; I no longer have to give to people who in the end will leave me wondering what I did to deserve being treated so poorly.
The good news? For every taker and not genuine friend you find, you will find five extremely caring and trustworthy people. Do not let one bad experience keep you closed to people who genuinely care about you. In the end, your focus will shift on solid and constant friends, while the users go bouncing from one person to another in order to satisfy whatever they may be lacking.
