To those who don't like me (and have made me well-aware of it),

I've finally accepted that. You're toxic and I won't let you get to me anymore. During our friendship and even afterwards, all you did were find ways to point out all my flaws and tear my self-esteem apart when I was nothing short of a good friend to you. When I needed a friend, instead of being there for me, you turned your back on me and blamed me for bringing my problems upon myself. I'll never forget that. Our friendship ended because of you — not me.

At one point, you not liking me bothered me more than I can express. It frustrated me to no end that I couldn't find out what was wrong with me, to the point where I'd cry myself to sleep feeling hopeless and dejected. I couldn't even talk in our group of friends anymore because I knew you'd judge me, make fun of what I had to say, call me dumb — publicly express your disdain for me. So I'd remain silent and anxious instead, hoping my lack of words would magically make you accept me. When I did speak, I questioned my every word and action. I grew terrified to be myself around you. I still don't know why you didn't like me — I've never done anything wrong to you — to the point where you told my friends to stop talking to me (they didn't listen, of course). But I guess we don't always like everyone.

I guess me paying for your meals when you were broke, going out of the way to give you countless rides instead of letting you take the bus when it was freezing cold outside and dropping everything to hold you when you were crying simply weren't enough for you. You still found a way to let me know that I wasn't good enough to be your friend. You told me nonchalantly to my face that I meant nothing to you, as if it was a joke. When I asked you to tell me what I did wrong and how we could work things out, you couldn't even give me an answer. We all have flaws and imperfections. The difference between you and me is that I didn't use yours to hurt you. I didn't use them as reasons not to be your friend. I was never not there for you. So you can tell me that I'm "too dramatic" or "too stupid" to be friends with, but I hope you know I'd never say that to you or use that a reason to not be your friend.

I finally took control of my life and realized that when people don't respect you, it turns into a toxic, energy-draining relationship. I let go of you because you made me question my self-worth. I stopped wasting time and effort to please you because it was time to live for me and not for anyone else. I had plenty of amazing friends who appreciated me for who I truly was, who supported me instead of bringing me down, who pointed out my good qualities instead of insulting my "flaws," who accepted me for the person I am and not the person they wanted me to be — and I realized that those were the people I should keep in my life. Not the few people like you who were hypercritical and impossible to please.

When I run into you today by unfortunate coincidence, I'm still kind to you. I make sure to be myself to the max because I'm not scared of how you see me anymore. I say what I want and I do what I want. So you can eye me condescendingly and make snarky little comments like you used to, but this time you won't be able to hinder me. In fact, it makes me happy that I can affect you that much when you can't do the same to me, because that means I've definitely moved on. I'm happier without you there to tell me everything you hated about me. I'm glad you won't use me for favors anymore. I can finally be myself again. I'm finally learning how to find the ideal balance between being kind to someone but also knowing when to put my foot down and say no. If you ever come back asking to be my friend again, I'll be sure to say no this time around.

You mattered to me at one point, and I really do think we had a friendship at some point before it turned into a poisonous mix of hurt feelings and constant self-doubt. And on those rare occasions when something reminds me of you and I start to miss you, I remind myself of who you actually were before I can let myself grieve over you. I don't hate you. I still see a lot of good in you and I hope you're doing OK. But I've stopped caring about your opinion because what you think of me is irrelevant to me.

Thanks for teaching me the kind of people I should be friends with. Thanks for helping me realize that I should never be afraid to be who I am. I hope you learn to put your energy to a better hobby like reading a book instead of petty things like making people feel bad about who they are. And I hope that one day you can respect and appreciate the people who care about you before you end up with no one by your side. I wish you all the best in your life, but I'm sure as hell glad you're no longer in mine.

Sincerely,
Your old friend