I'm not sure what was going on inside your mind when you decided your daily activities would begin to include playing mind games with someone's head and heart. I'm not sure why you chose to light me up like a candle and instead of blowing out the fire before the whole thing became engulfed in flames, you let it keep burning. You had no intention of stopping because maybe it was some form of entertainment for you. Maybe you didn't see any faults in how you were acting, what you were saying to me.
They say the best thing to do is forgive but never forget. I should say I forgive you for feeding me copious amounts of lies and thinking nothing of it. They say take the high road and don't hold grudges. However, I think the best path to follow is to accept that it wasn't my fault but still think you're a huge piece of shit.
It's okay to be angry, and trust me I am. At first, I was angry at myself for letting someone in and trusting them. I was disappointed in only me and put the blame entirely on the fact that I let my guard down. What I learned is that this was not my fault. We only live once and as cliche as that sounds, it's not my fault for thinking someone wanted me romantically. I wasn't looking and you came into my life unexpectedly. There is nothing wrong with being happy, and I thought maybe I wasn't meant to smile on a constant basis.
That is not true. I know I am an attractive, funny, intelligent person with a great personality and a huge heart. I may be sarcastic and bitter but at the end of the day, I would never do this to another person. That is what separates me from you and that is why this is not my fault, it's yours. Whether you choose to relieve yourself of all responsibility or not is not my problem.
I'm going to go about my life understanding that not everyone is going to treat me right. You have taught me that sometimes a person can have a hidden agenda and think they're being stealthy and won't get caught. You have taught me that I just need to keep my eyes open for clues, enjoy my life and eventually the right person will treat me how I am meant to be treated.
This doesn't mean I forgive you. Just because you continued to help me learn more life lessons doesn't mean you're in the clear. What you did was disrespectful to not only me but yourself and you're going to have to live with that. What I want you to know is that you didn't break me, you didn't change my outlook on life. I'm allowed to be angry and upset but after those emotions pass and the storm fades away, I will be alright.
