Dear Cousins,

Being that I am the oldest of 10 grandchildren, I have a responsibility to guide you through the next several years of your life. In this letter, I have outlined a few of the lessons, quotes and pieces of advice that have helped me along the way and that I believe will help you.

Go with your gut.

As cliché as it sounds, your intuition and your gut instinct will help you make all decisions. When I was making the decision between attending Villanova University and University of Pittsburgh, I was making a choice between two incredible schools that would advance my career in completely different ways. However, something inside of me told me that I wanted to go to Villanova more than I wanted to go to Pittsburgh. It was my intuition that helped me to make one of the greatest decisions of my life. All nine of you will be faced with a decision at some point in your lives in which you will have to choose between two opportunities; the only way to make this decision is to use your intuition. Trust your gut!

Always say thank you!

We will all have many opportunities in life, therefore, we must say thank you to those who provide us with them. Additionally, we must constantly thank those who have helped us in the past. It is through my studies at Villanova that I have learned that we are all culminations of lessons passed on to us from others. We are what and who has touched us. We must acknowledge the privilege of having others in our lives to pass on their wisdom. Nana and Pop Pop, for example, have passed on to us many words to live by which have often shaped our lives. We should all thank them much, much more, just as we should be grateful for others who have assisted us.

Nothing is ever like you expected it to be.

As you all get prepared to enter college or high school, I encourage you to lower your expectations and instead be open minded. My experiences, and the experiences of our other cousins, will not be the same as yours. Although we will share our experiences with each other, it does not guarantee that we will have those same experiences. We will all be experiencing different things, the only solution is to take the opinions of others at face value. In doing so, we are being open minded and willing to experience new things. For example, if you go into college open minded, as opposed to expecting it to be the best four years of your life, you very well might have the best four years. If you do not find college to be that way, that is okay as well. At the end of the day, be open. Be open about colleges, adventures, friendships, people, and opportunities. There is no shame in trying something out and deciding it isn’t for you, but you will feel as though you missed out if you do not take advantage of every opportunity that has been afforded to you.

Know your membership.

In the book, "Hannah Coulter," author,Wendell Berry, (a book all of you should read, by the way) discusses the importance of knowing our membership. One’s membership is composed of the people in one’s life who are loyal and supportive. Often times, especially in college, some friends are temporary -- they served a specific function at a certain time, however, they do not necessarily remain your friend. It is perfectly fine to accept that some friends are temporary, that they helped you meet others or gave you someone to eat lunch with, but it is also critical to recognize which friends are permanent. Those are the relationships that make up your membership and require commitment and work. This system of support may change throughout your life, however, the majority of it will remain the same. That is precisely why such people make up your membership, as opposed to just being ordinary friends. Lucky for the 10 of us, we have nine other people automatically built into our membership.

Love your cousins.

Cousins are a resource of knowledge, support and strength. Your cousins will always be there for you. In all ten of us, there is an eternal link that will always bring us back to one another, no matter where we go in life. Although intuition and gut feelings are very important, it is also important to consult your cousins when in need of advice and guidance.

I can’t always be there for the failed tests, mistakes, prom-posals, break ups and life altering decisions, but you can look at this letter for guidance and support. For the 17 years that I have been your cousin, I have pressured you to make the right decision, harassed the exes that have done you wrong, and strongly encouraged you to come to Villanova. While I might be overbearing at times, it is only because I love you all so much, and being your oldest cousin is the best job in the world.

Love,
Kendall.