Love is such a crazy thing. It can be amazing, sad and overall just an emotional experience. However, falling in love with someone who doesn't love you back is a huge bummer. This is a letter to the boy I fell in love with, who never committed to me or made me feel beautiful.
Dear He Who Shall Not Be Named (Not Voldemort),
I fell in love with you so fast. I was ready to commit to you, but you weren't willing to do the same. At first, everything was great. I would see you frequently, you would make an effort to talk to me and life was good. That lasted about a month. Then, I went home for the summer. You became distant, you became unwilling to talk to me on a frequent basis. Yes, we were two hours away, but you told me we would "make it work." I would send you cute text messages, try to talk to you when something was upsetting me, but you would not respond. I would call you to talk with you, just because I cared and wanted to know how your day is. You wouldn't pick up or ever call me back. I know you had your phone with you, I know you always do. I know you saw my messages, but you chose to not respond to them. You chose to blow me off.
First and foremost, I thought we were friends. Friends are there for each other. Friends talk about their issues and try to get through them together. You didn't even have the courtesy to say, "I am busy," or, "I don't want to talk." You left me hanging for days on end. I couldn't depend on you. We went almost a week without saying a word to each other. The worst part is, I expected so much from you, when you clearly wouldn't even make me your girlfriend. I get taking time, I get waiting, but when it's been three months and you have met his family, gone to visit him for days, it's time.
There were so many red flags that came with you. Not only the not responding to me, but you would never come to see me at home for the two months I have been on summer break. You never made the effort to come meet my family when I came to meet yours. Whenever I would ask you about our "relationship," you just kept saying "good things take time." Yes they do, but they don't wait for you. You didn't make me feel good about myself, whenever we would talk about self image you would always just tell me "we all need work."
You were so into fitness that you made me feel like I wasn't "hot" enough for you. You made me feel bad about myself for what I ate, for not working out like you did. You never made me feel like I was worth it or beautiful. You constantly made me second guess myself. The worst part is, I let you do that for months. I was so blinded by the fact that I loved you that I let you constantly hurt me. When your friends are in a bad relationship (even though he made it clear we weren't dating), you tell them they deserve better... Then why couldn't I say the same to myself? I thought you were different. For the first time I could see myself actually settling down with someone. I was wrong.
We had good times, but the bad times for me outweighed the good. I thank you for the good times, but as soon as anything got even remotely hard you ran away. You killed what we had by not showing me that you cared. So I finally chose to walk away. Even though I'm still mad at you, I appreciate that you made me realize that I deserve someone better. Someone who cares, someone who appreciates me and all I do for others. So thank you for that.
I wish you nothing but happiness, but it will not have anything to do with me.
From,
The Girl You Messed Up With
