He's like my doppelgänger, but a dude

"We used to be clumsy, lost in a thousand ways, captivated by the craze, those were hands down my favorite days" (Running With The Boys, Lights).

None of this matters now, but nevertheless, we made a good story.

I met you on a Monday with only intentions to make your friend jealous. In the beginning, I was the player, I'll admit it. But to be honestly, I did not ever expect to fall for you harder than I've ever fallen for someone in my life. Maybe things would be different if I actually told you that. Wow Kyle, look what you did for not looking.

You somehow got my number and we hit it off right away. Days later, I hopped in your car to find one of my favorite bands playing. Which I found to be really shocking, since I have never met anyone else who loves All Time Low just as much as I do. I'm not sure if it was different for you, but for me, there was not a second of awkward space. We ordered the same thing at Starbucks, laughing at the many coincidences we held. We seemed to run into each other all the time. We pretty much ran exactly the same circle but taking different paths. We found out we were studying the same subject in school, and that we shared the same life goals and dreams. Too weird.

We explored the magical world we lived in. You kissed me in the caves and my smile could not fade away. We talked every day... for months. Even when we had to move away.

We didn't get the chance to know each other for very long, but I really wish we did. You understood me in ways that no one has ever before. You had the most adorable grin that stretched across your lips and your hazel eyes melted my heart. I miss stealing that worn out Blackhawks hat you wore every day, the look on your face was always priceless. The way you talked to kids never failed to put a smile on my face. Your curiosity and they way you walked around the world blew my mind. I've never felt like this for someone, even the guy I dated for five years didn't make me feel like you did and I think that's the worst part.

We said our goodbyes, holding back tears in our eyes. We both knew in our hearts we would see each other again-- since we basically ran the same circle and all. We were right, we did.

We happened to go back home at the same time to visit. I got mad that you forget about our original plan to met up the day I got there. You told me you would make it up to me... and you did. We spent the day together, laughing nonstop. Waiting 120 minutes with you felt like nothing. We talked about crazy situations with people who we just didn't feel anything for. You told me I was worth taking a day out of your vacation to be with. We talked about how spending time together was easy and effortless. I could be myself around you, we were so similar it was mind blowing.

We said our goodbyes again.You kissed me, and I said I'll see you around. I didn't tell you this, but my heart hurt a little as you walked over to the boat dock. We both do not believe in long distance, but honestly, I should have told you, but for you-- it would have been worth the miles. Not so much anymore. though.

I never had to worry about going a day without hearing from you. No matter what was going on in our lives, you always texted me. We continued to get to know each other and it sucked. I really don't think there is anyone out there that will ever be as perfect for me as you are. Great, I totally sound like one of those crazy girls you always talked about. I'm sure you added me to that list.

Our favorite bands were rolling into our cities. I wanted to go so badly but I couldn't find anyone who shared the same music taste as me-- besides you. Sure, you liked the heavier things but still we could relate on a million levels, like everything else in life. I missed the show in my town, it was time for them to come to you. We talked about how cool it would be to see our favorite bands together, and for the first time in a long time-- I had a moment breaking down my walls. I decided to come out to visit you.

Let's get this straight, I did not go there with intentions that we would end up in a relationship. I went there because I wanted to see my favorite bands with you. I honestly didn't care how we ended up. I just wanted you in my life. I thought you were a great guy and it was so crazy how similar we were. But the one major difference we had was you didn't actually care about me.

Anyway, at first, things were fine. You picked me up at the airport with our favorite music filling the air. We were back at joking around and telling stories. I was tired and I didn't feel that great, but just know I was so happy to be withyou again. I asked you to lace my dress, that smirk of yours stretched upon your lips.

You took me around to meet your friends and family. We went to the concert together and yes I'm aware of how much I suck for getting sick there. Regardless of me almost passing out, it was a day I'll never forget. Although, I felt a little awkward with you acting so distant.

I called you out for it and asked if you still liked me. You told me you didn't want to lead me on and I said you weren't. I know we don't work. I know that 1,000 miles is lot of geography to cover the space between us. That doesn't mean for the time being we couldn't really enjoy every second of it. I guess that's again where we differ.

I didn't understand what happened. I still don't. It's like you were turned off by me over night. I don't understand why you would have me go all the way out there just for you to act like you couldn't wait to get rid of me. I don't think I'll ever understand how fast you flipped your switches.

I asked you again if you still liked me and you said we'd talk later... we never did. I asked you what happened and you couldn't give me an answer. You said you were sorry and that was it. I think that's why it still hurts, even today. I meet new guys and end up comparing them to you. They're not like you, they don't get me like you do and it is disappointing . Like I said, we didn't have to date, I would be perfectly happy being your friend and talking through the miles that parted us. I just, for the love of god, want to know what happened.

"I know I sound crazy, don't you see what you do to me" (Somewhere In Neverland, All Time Low).

I know you're a player and I know what your intentions with most girls were. I get that, I don't want a relationship either-- especially one that involves plane tickets to be back in your arms . I just thought, maybe you felt it too. Maybe you liked me the way I liked you and you saw how good it could have been if it could have worked --it just didn't. No matter how hard we tried for us, we couldn't be in a long distance thing. Just so you know, at that point I would have given it all up for you. I never told you this but, I would have tried to made it work. We could have, but I guess you'll meet someone else and forget all about how much we connected.

We didn't know each other for long, it's true, but just know, the time that we did spend together meant something to me. You don't meet people who get every aspect of your being every day. You were one in a million. I never told you that, but I'm saying it now.

I don't really care that you didn't respond back to me. If you ever wanted to talk-- about anything-- I would put it all behind me and you'd have all ears. I just want what's best for you and to see you succeed. If you want to talk about missing home and all of the magic that was made or if you feel like no one out there gets you, please just remember that I do. If you never want to talk to me again, fine. I don't know what I did but that's fine.

Thanks for breaking my heart. It hurts like hell. Our time was short but man was it magical. I always wonder if you think about me. I'm sure you don't and you probably tell your friends that I'm just another one in your crazy line of girls. I know I'm not. Writing this probably makes me, but like you said, our story is pretty great to share.

What's done is done, there's a lot that was left unsaid but I'm okay with that now.

"I'm moving forward just like the train" (Real Friends).

I'm over you and letting you go, but for what it's worth-- meeting you did actually mean something to me. I hope you're well. I hope your dreams do come true, maybe I'll see you around if mine do, too.

Thanks for making me put up 100 walls to every guy I've met since you. Thanks for making me more cautious. Thanks for having me come all the way out to Illinois just to never hear from you again. Thanks for being the biggest player in the game.

"Thought I was special but you know I wasn't
It's just hard to believe that I won't be
Held responsible, for the things that you now know". (Simple Existence, State Champs)