An open letter to the guy who keeps coming back.
PLEASE STOP. You’re good to me when it’s convenient for you, or maybe when your relationship isn’t what ours was and you feel the need to come back. But once you do come back, and inevitably leave again, it creates the biggest waves where there used to be the calmest waters. Every time you leave I miss you the way someone drowning remembers air but then I get these nasty flashbacks of you holding my head under water. You’re not good for me, and it took me taking a breath of fresh air to realize that.
When you leave, I can breathe again. But every time you come back you push my head back under as if you enjoy watching me suffer and I don’t need someone like that in my life. So please, stop coming back. I’m tired of you. I’m tired of trying to swim my way back up to the top when you leave me in your wake. You bring more of a headache and heartache into my life than any one person should, and I’m done giving you the power to do that. If you came back and reached your hand into the water to save me, I could have considered giving you the chance we deserved but I don’t need your saving anymore because I’ve fallen in love with my own life.
I’ve learned how to tread water by myself, and guess what? I’ve gotten good at it. I am okay by myself, in fact I am better than okay because I’ve surrounded myself with people who never make me feel alone whereas being with you these past few months, for however long you would come back that time, has never made me feel more alone.
There is something I want you to know, I’m don’t hate you because hating you would require thinking about you and letting you control a part of my life without even being in it. Once I realized I deserve better, letting go became one of the best decisions I could ever make for myself. So as you’re out there showing me you don’t care, I’ll show you I can do it better. One last thing you should know, there is a different between giving up and knowing when I’ve had enough. Here’s a tide warning for you; next time you come back.. just know that ship has already sailed.
