It has been so long since I have seen you. So many things have happened in my life that I wish you would have been here to see: my first high school dance, sports games, high school graduation, beginning college. All of the big steps in my life that I am conquering day by day are being done without you by my side. If I could have a chance to talk to you one last time, I would begin by saying I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I did not spend as much time with you as I could have. I know a greeting hug at the front door may have meant a lot to you, but I did not take the time to cherish those; Instead I ran off to play with my siblings and cousins while you sat at the kitchen table with my parents. I am sorry that I did not always want to sit and do cross word puzzles or eat the green vegetables that you made for me. I am sorry for giving you attitude when I was tired or not appreciating everything that you had done for me; but most of all, I am sorry for not loving you as much as could have.
Why did the cancer have to take you so early? It just isn't fair. You never smoked, rarely ever drank; you even pushed all of us to eat healthy like you. I hope one day, for your sake and every other cancer patients, that a cure is found. No one deserves to go through what my family and I did when we heard we were losing you.Life is going well now. I have finished my first year in college and am slowly learning how to live on my own. Even though things are looking up for me, it still is not the same going through these major events in my life without you. I always wonder what you would have done when you found out I got accepted into the college of my dreams or when I bought my first car. I know you would have been so proud of me and that is something that I have to hold onto.
It is hard for me to accept the fact that you will not be at my college graduation or watch me walk down the aisle. It is hard for me to think about having my first child and not seeing you walk through the hospital door with a bright smile on your face as you go to meet your great-grandchild. There are so many things that will happen in my life that you will miss.
Even though you cannot physically be here, I know you are always with me. When that certain song comes on on the radio or you appear in my dreams, I know it means that you have not actually left my side. Words cannot explain how much I love and miss you everyday. Life does not stop when you lose someone you love; life goes on. As hard as it is to accept the fact that you are gone, I just want you to know that this is not good-bye, it is a see you later.
