Growing up, my mother always told me to, “Let go and let God.” I never really understood what that expression meant until I had my first panic attack junior year of high school. It was scary. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening—it was as if I had been pulled into a rip tide that I was unable to release myself from. I was drowning in my own thoughts and feelings. My heart felt as if it were going to explode out of my chest, while I could not seem to keep up with my own breathing. I was stuck.

To the girl that feels stuck, let me start by telling you something you may not have heard yet: it’s okay. It’s okay to feel stuck. It’s okay to feel buried underneath your own anxious thoughts. It’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s simply okay. You should never (ever) have to apologize for the way you feel, especially when it comes to something you may be worried about. Don’t ever let someone make you feel less than important just because they don’t “understand” you or your anxiety. If anything, that person is causing you more pain and angst than before. They aren’t there to save you from the strong pull of the rip tide. Some people would rather watch as you tread water.

Which brings me to my next point: no one, not even your own mother (as hard as she may try), will be able to save you from the great swim you endure. When I experienced my panic attack, I called my mom and she reminded me, “I held you under my heart for nine months, there is no greater love than that, except for God’s love, and I think it’s time that you let go and let Him carry you.”

“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14: 29-31)

You of little faith, why do you doubt? Why do you doubt yourself? You are a beautiful human being. You create the world in which you live in. Why do you doubt this life? This life was meant for you, therefore you live for yourself, for your own happiness, for your own fears, for your own truth, and for your own worry. Most importantly, why do you doubt Him? Let go.

Next time, (because trust me there will be a next time) when you feel the water rising and you find yourself sinking in the sand beneath you, remind yourself that it’s okay to let go. Eventually, that riptide that you’re stuck in will shift its course and you’ll find yourself “letting God.”