You were once my best friend, and we were so close. I miss you, I really do. Things just weren't in the best interest for us, I guess you could say.
Yeah, I've thought about reaching out to you and "fixing" things.
Maybe one day we can try again, when we're older. Less young and crazy, when our minds might be less cluttered. When our hearts might be clear, clean and free from all of the clutter.
I guess this is a kind of closure, knowing that one of these days you might see this. If you question if it's you, just know to reach out and ask, I will answer you honestly.
We had some great times together, our weekly Sunday walks around UTK, I don't know if you ever enjoyed those as much as I did, but it was really nice having you there to distract my mind from some of the awful things I was going through, and it was always a small piece of Heaven. All of our Starbucks runs, and all of the coffee we drank together, because at one point that's all that kept me going. Our one sleepover, that was one of the best nights of my life, we were half asleep and half crazy and had church the next day but hey we weren't thinking about that then.
There were times when you were there for me when no one else was, when we opened up about our pasts to each other, just know I've kept that all to myself, because some things aren't ours to tell.
I've wondered if you've ever felt the same, but then I realized if we were truly friends it would've taken a hard hit on us both. I realize I am going to make some people mad, but they're going to need to bare with me, and understand this isn't for them, it's maybe a closure to help us both get on and not continue to wonder "why."
I've wondered if maybe people who didn't know you like I did, I wonder if their opinion on you got to me, sometimes I try to think so.
I remember the last few days, nothing but fights, I do want you to know that the tweet that said "My momma always warned me about you" was from a song I was listening to at the moment, I never meant for it to be taken the wrong way. In fact I remember that last day so well that often times that's all that runs through my mind. One of the biggest questions I always ask myself "What could I have done differently."
Maybe it was a matter of time until we really did spiral into an even bigger worse fight, and I cut it off as soon as I could, because I've never really been through that.
Maybe it was all a matter of the hardships I was going through at the time. Things are going okay now, and maybe looking up some. Not all roses, sunshine, and rainbows though. I knew you well enough to know you're amazing at hiding how you truly feel, and I know your hardships haven't stopped, but I know you have some good times too.
Just know I still care about you, and I am here if you EVER need anything at all, and I still have tender thoughts about you, and it's tender when someone mentions your name. It's a touchy subject, and I really think it always will be.
If you ever want to try again, you know my number, I would love to try again as friends. I want to thank you for not spilling my secrets, and I haven't spilled yours either, you're a true friend for that, and I am sorry for it all. I think we're both at fault here.
I saw one of your exes got a new girl recently, and I am not gonna lie I felt a little bit bitter, knowing in some form even though you have a man, that it probably bothered you just a little, cause that is one of the things that was able to bother you.
I really do hope that you're doing great, in school, in life, in your jobs, ETC....
I want you to know that, you're beautiful, and you deserve the world, a man who makes you truly happy, and you deserve nothing but the best. Don't settle for less, please don't. You've been through a lot and don't settle for anything that makes you unhappy. I hope you know this, and I hope you remember it, I know I never cited you properly, but I know that by now you have to know who you are, if you don't i'll attach a couple dates that you'll know.
January 24th, 2016, one of the best days I'd witnessed then.
April 16th, 2016, one of the best but also bad days, really bad days. The orange and white game was fun and I thought it was all smooth until later that day.
Everything I have written came from the bottom of my heart, not out of anger, or bitterness, because I don't hold a grudge towards you, and I never will. Yes, I still have all of our pictures, every last one of them. Even the ones of you and that ex I mentioned, because I haven't fully let go. Not yet.
If it helps, I am sorry for the pain we caused each other.
I really wish you the best.