This isn't just another article about girls who lack in the friend department. This is a letter to all of the amazing girls and wonderful girls like myself that struggle with finding friendships and end up feeling inadequate and unimportant.
If anyone knows exactly what you're feeling, it's me.
When I say "the girl with no friends" I actually am referring to the girl who actually feels like she has no one in her corner. I am referring to the girl that wishes every day that someone comes along and actually appreciates her presence or makes her feel welcomed. I am referring to the girl that worries if it's herself that's the problem with making and keeping people around.
In high school I was never really much of a social person. You could say I was the girl who got along with almost everyone but at the end of the day went home and only had a select few people she could depend on. I was the "one friend at a time" kind of girl. Honestly, I'm not really all that sure why it worked out this way, but I never was able to be the girls I admired that had a ton of friends in their friend group and they would all go everywhere together . It's something that I always wished I could have, but knew I never would
But for some reason I still struggled to hold down friends. Whether it would be a petty argument, or just slowly starting to fade apart I would lose every single friend I would get. It didn't even matter how hard I tried to mend things, get back together and hang out more, or just say "hey". It didn't solve anything.
Then I graduated, had a child early on, started working full time and truly felt alone. I thankfully reconnected with my high school best friend who is now my husband and we share a beautiful life together. However, I still feel alone. I don't just have a girl to text when I am having an emotional day or when I just need to vent about things my husband can't talk about. I have friends of course, but it's like we just hang out like once every few months and then completely lose touch.
It's all this that's started to make me feel like somehow it's my fault. That I don't try hard enough or that maybe there's a fault in my personality that causes people to not want to be around me any longer. Maybe I'm annoying, maybe I text them too often, or maybe I am just not good enough.
The feeling of not being able to meet up to someone's expectations can be absolutely crushing. I sometimes think that maybe if I move away to a new town or try to go to events and meet people that my situation can change but deep down I know it won't. It is such a cruel world out there and it's so hard when all you try to do is be friendly, make friends, and enjoy being in your twenties.
But don't let loneliness get you down.
Because I am here, and I would LOVE to be your friend too.
