To those who know me, I’m not one to get all mushy or anything. Usually, I just try to bottle up my emotions which, later on, explode on someone or something completely stupid. But that’s beside the point. I decided to write my article this week because of a recent event that happened in my life. I’ve experienced a lot of happy times in the past couple of years, but I’ve also had too many tragic things happen in the past couple of years-more than the average person would want.

Recently, a good friend of mine passed away. It was one of the hardest things for me to hear and it definitely doesn’t help that I’m 3 hours away from home. When I was informed of the tragedy, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know how to react to what I had just heard. I’m still not sure how I’m reacting to it. Oddly enough, I was told some EXTREMELY good news earlier that day. I was ecstatic about what had happened, but when I was told about the passing of my friend, I was stuck in some sort of happy depression. I described it to my friends that it feels like being in limbo. I couldn’t feel happy but I couldn’t feel sad either. I’m still struggling with her passing. I still haven’t completely come to terms about what really happened. I spent a lot of my summer with her and it still isn’t sinking in that she’s really gone. To be entirely honest, it still isn’t registering with me that she’s gone. There’s so much that I never got to thank her for and to me, that’s one of the worst feelings.

A few years ago, I lost a friend in a tragic car accident. It was absolutely devastating when I walked into school that morning and heard the news. She was a really good friend of mine. I helped her with math when she needed it, we were both in marching band, and we always said hi to each other in the hallway. I can’t begin to tell you how much of a mess I was that day. I couldn’t function, I couldn’t think, and I couldn’t focus. I tried to push myself to do my work, but I couldn’t do it. I wish I could tell her how much she truly meant to me. I want her to know that I think about her all of the time. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. I wish I would’ve gotten the chance to at least say goodbye to her.

The more I lose people in this life, the more I begin to cherish the lives around me. I know I’m not the nicest person in the world, but I try my hardest to accommodate everyone in my life. I know I’m not generally the happiest person in the world, but I do a pretty damn good job of trying. I just want to say thank you to both of my friends for all of the life lessons that they’ve taught me, for building my confidence in so many parts of life, for always being there for me. I cannot begin to express how much I love them both. Love you long time, ladies. Oh, and please watch over me. I’m going to need it. See you soon!