To the 'Friend' Who Was Never Really a Friend,
Thank you. Seriously. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the many lessons you have taught me. Thank you for teaching me what a real, true friend is. Thank you for showing me what to look for in someone and what to stay away from. Thank you for the many tears. Thank you for teaching me early on how a person should treat another. Thank you for the heartbreak and the hurt that you put me through.
You see, there were many red flags. I should've known that something was off in our friendship. I should have picked up on the one-word answers, the fake laughs, the unsympathetic conversations. But for some reason it never registered. I had high hopes in our relationship. I trusted that everything was okay. That everything would work itself out, that you were just having a bad day... repeatedly. I tried to convince myself that you cared, that you were a true friend, that this wasn't years wasted. And it worked. I was convinced. I carried on with my life as though everything was okay. Deep down I knew that it wasn't but every time that part of me would pop up, I shoved it back down even further than before. And that's where I messed up.
I should have trusted my gut. I should have trusted the signs. I should have read your words by the tone in them, not by the physical words themselves. I should have known that when you said "Everything is fine" it wasn't. Why? Because it wasn't. Because you didn't care. Because you meant the world to me and I meant nothing to you. Because I was always your second choice. I should have known that when I gave you my support, you never needed it. I should have known that you were using my vulnerability to get what you wanted. I should have known that you saw me as a prop, not a character.
And it took me a while to realize this. I went through the numerous backstabs and fights and wounds to realize that you didn't care like I did. That I didn't mean all that much to you. It took me endless tear-filled nights, unanswered texts, rumors, and hearing from other people the things you said when I wasn't around for me to realize that you weren't a friend at all. You never were.
But if only you could see me now. If only you could see how much I have changed. And don't think that I have changed for the worse. It's the exact opposite, rather. I have gotten stronger. I have risen up. I have learned to stand my ground. I have learned to not let anybody take advantage of me. I have learned to not trust as easily. I have learned to not wear my heart on my sleeve. I have learned that not everybody deserves to know everything. I have learned to watch my back. I have learned to be more selective of who I give my time to.
So once again, thank you. Thank you for the valuable lessons. Thank you for the sleepless nights. Thank you for hurting me. Thank you for making me a stronger person. Thank you.
Sincerely,
The Friend who Actually Cared
