My first relationship lasted all throughout high school and into college. The boy I met before you grew up with a different part of me, and I suppose that's why there's a reason for this open letter in the first place. Since the breakup, I took the summer to really reflect on the toxicity that was brought to the relationship and how to go about a fresh, new relationship with and open mind and an open heart.
Never in my life until you have I been able to begin a relationship while being completely honest about my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I don't just mean romantic relationships, I mean any relationship. When I brought it up to you I was so nervous at first, because I was conditioned by society that my OCD was basically just a disgusting annoyance.
With my first serious boyfriend, my illness was basically invalid. Not only did he not understand the severity of my condition, but he didn't understand the science behind it either. Arguably, I should have told him more about my disorder. People don't know what they don't know; however, when I brought up my mental health, it was always blown off. At one point, we were driving in his car with the radio on, and when he adjusted the volume, he put it on 14. No big deal, I just turned it up to 15, to accommodate the compulsion part of my illness like I had done many times before with him. Without flinching, he turned the volume back to 14 and told me that I need to "get over it," as if 18 years of a mental illness could be cured by his hurtful words.
Another boy, more of a summer fling I suppose, "joked" about the fact that he only kissed me goodbye twice, rather than three times so that I would break curfew and stay a little longer waiting for that third kiss.
But you listened until I was done speaking. Not only that, but you asked me questions. You want to understand. You don't get upset when I ask if you're mad at me 21 times a day, because the guilt obsessions are weighing heavy on my brain. You are so patient with me and I could not ask for anything more. I've been through hell and back with this illness and it's still something I'm struggling to manage to this day. With you, I feel the support I need from those closest to me. In past relationships, there was not a foundation of open communication and encouragement. With you, I can see that you're willing to try. With you, I can see that you see me for more than just my OCD. With you, I think I could hit this one out of the park - might even be that World Series kinda stuff.
